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A rotted corpse with flys was sitting next to a cactas , when a kid came up to it and looked at it. Then the corpses arms reached out to the kid as if by  fishing line. The boy runs, the carcass jumps after him as if thrown, landing on the boy who screems. The camera points at a patch of sky then showd blood and meat being thrown into the air.

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bang bang on the door that falls through into

a great hole inside the house

the bottem isn't visible and the door falls into the darknes never to be heard again

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The pink curtains open

swarms off bee's dressed in ballerina tou tou's

buzz around in artistic display

around in circles and makeing waves that would go to the playing of the piano wich craft this is a man roars and points to the bee's the bee's then attack the man stinging him. He falls lifeless and the bee's continue there show. But the music doesn't start , the bees gather and swarm over the orcastra and they imdietly start playing.

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To a pop " baby baby baby" song:

 

I'm gonna drink teaaaaaaa !!!

then go down and play some

polo

 yeah oh yeah

 polo looooo

 lo lo lo

 

then i'll knit you a blue jumper

we'll chat about the sopes

yeah !

 

then we'll watch the telemarket chanel for hours and hours ow wow

 

baby baby baby

how many times can i say baby in one song

baby baby baby

im gonna bang you hard oh yeah !

you me and my certified slong

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speeding down the highway

car door swings open

I fall to the grinding tar

my head hits the ground

my seat belt still on I pull my self

back into the metal juggernaut

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The time is right for dancen in the street

car ploughs through the people hoons laughing driving

away, they come to an abrubt hult

the car crushed blood uzes out into grass

calling forth the rain and screams of pain

wind sweeps the streets clear and clean morning sun

wind caresing as time go's on as I do

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I started walking with someone named bill. Bill had obsesive compulsive stomping disorder. We stoped at some lights waiting for them to change , and a beutifull woman walked past, bill started stomping his leg the second he saw her. At the time I didn't know about his disorder and was stunned. I asked him what the hell was wrong. He told me that when over distressed he would start stomping his leg. We walked on and sat on some chairs in the mall. There was really shit pop music in a shop and bill started stomping again.

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A wave of events like gods great hands sweeping through the crazed bold land crashing crushing bursting seams , spliting hairs and creaming cream , pricking finger so painfully anoyeing causing an itch by microscopic freinds of the wave of events that leave no end

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heat and cold touching thy feet filling up the old dusty street that coughs and laughs at passer by than stops to cry the filling all to see that nothing can come of that decree

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Every plan failed because of it

Every contradiction contradicted by it

Every thought planed by it

Every plan planed by it

it is everything everything is it

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Flying fighting the tiredness the bird

flys on

to tired he lands and

sleeps a while in the water

wind blows hard flying him high

down the last stretch he soars

to his warm family nest

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Sitting at the little sqaure out side the library looking at the birds look for food, when the birds paniced and flew off in a start as if someone had scared them. I am hit by something I fall over and see branch's of a tree hitting me. I back away and hear screems of people being attacked stabed and beaten by trees. Windows smashed , cars thrown , grass rumbleing savagely under foot knocking my off my feet, Moss flying into eyes, creepvine chokeing people. farming became futile.

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wattle's of walrus waiting for the time when work will cease and desist

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wondering around the old dusty clown who spends his time like old molded town

the mold gathers the tree's clatter the sounds and noise come down like rain on the furious sea that swells till half past three.

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Untitled it is unlike the many labels that are put to the , sitting in a tree with cloths still yours and wind tickleing you laping at you like so many fountains that blow there wonderous spray on you. Natures gifts often overlooked.

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Each action causeing reaction each blend of exsquistie taste each smell known, the beeds around her neck seeming to hold some mystical trueths , drawing your atention away from other things for what seems an aternity.

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swells of sea filling the void open currents weilding no noise until the sound awakens flashing on and off in tiny ploys to melt the scene and build some poise to the thrashing throb of blood in head that's only there when your in bed before your time for rest has come. What is fun

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Bunyips soup of onion and meat a smelly meaty tasty treat. He waits anticapaits and knows the time when his meaty meal will be finally his.

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The call off wind telling no lies, always blowing sometimes in your eyes whiping grasses carrys the seeds doing its job for all to see

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The gental glow of candle light in amongts the dark dark night wind outside your door that bangs so softly in the soundless night.

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Smoking chokeing slowing croaking

gobs of snott I cough

throat burns as the cough attacks

throwing my head I stand into a throbing

pounding headache

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A cwogmire of qauterly crystals cwogmireing around a colorful carasel

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The sea the grass

the sand thats too far for sharp glass

gental wind blows fire

sea sweeps in and out

slowly speed increasing as darkness comes

wind whips sea swells

the fire crackles as sleep envelopes you

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Have a fit in the ship pit

bang your head to blood on the fecie coverd walls

cut your feet on teh glass coverd floor

fight off the eels as they bite you on the crotch

forever you are traped in the shit in the shit pit

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waltzing like a clown

falling down goe's the clown

dont drown clown

at last he has found the

clown mound where clowns go to die

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It was dark rocky terain, there where volcano like holes filled with lava. Red dragons jumped out of the pools of lava , jumping into the air from one hole to the next. I stood on an area of grass with a peach-tree growing in it. I lay down into the cool grass of my little island of life and ate a peach as gusts of warm air brushed over my body like a heater. I gazed out at the magical dragons jumping in and out of the lava for miles in the black crusted land. I looked at the yellow sky and brown clouds flying by that always seemed to impress with the speed they move.

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There was a monkey lost in an apple orchard he had escaped from the zoo and had spent days there eating apples and trying to find his way out. A young boy who dreamed of being a rock star would go to the apple orchard and play air guitar and sing songs he knew. Happly boping along and singing loudly and proudly the boy was silenced by a knock in the head. He turned around to be hit again in the face. The boy saw stars not the kind he had hoped for. He heard the laughing of the monkey and ran towards it. Appples flew at him and he dodged and ducked the incomeing missiles. Then found the tree the monkey was up, then unleashed his own attack of appples at it. The monkey screeched and ran away.

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Walking through the park I heard a rave in a house across the street. I went in and descoverd teenagers drinking danceing and carrying on. A car got a dent the exploded on the tv. Then bodys splatterd all over the place like it was art. It was really quite entertaining though quite anoying was the party. I went home to watch the strange film but it was finished. Something unknown about it being finished caused imense rage in me that swelled till I screamed. I screamed for a long time , I couldn't stop it , the scream began to intensify into a roar that was scareing me I had lost control. It was if there was some alien force inside me controling me. I looked down and found my body had disapeard and all that remained was a strange white blue haze in the shape of my body. I was still screaming as though I had always screamed.

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My mind was warped from the days events , I sat down to sweet silence and thought on my next actions. There was visious growle as a huge pitball burst from no where and started jumping around the room as though blind. Destroying valuble objects and causeing great destruction.

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Doing laps of the football oval when a pillow with wheels pulled up beside me. A walking talking car then jumped out of the pillow and beamed it's headlights at me , then started beeping it's horn. It came at me but I ran and came to a button in a tree. I pressed the button the tree then opened up in half and inside there was a Darlick. The weird car robot was getting close. I hid behind the tree. The Darlick then came to life it spoke saying

 " exterminate " and started unleashing sound effects and sparks on the car. The car got scared and turned around and went back to the pillow and left.

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Some tourists where walking down a country town road when a trap caught them all and sucked them in. Inside the tourist trap.

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Sitting aboard the Hms floaty eating crab and siping wine and watching a bout between angry crew members. When there was a tear in the fabric of time , everything began to slow except for my thoughts meaning everything looked slow. Then from the tear jumped a very big lizard man cradleing someone in it's arms. It was lord farqaud from shriek in his arms , who jumped down and declared his presance and said he was takeing control of the boat.

" Like hell " the captain said sounding like the captain from Tin Tin with his rough voice , he kinda looked lik him too.

" Get him " farqaud said. The lizard men charged with their spears at the captain. The captain pressed a button on his pipe and it turned into a mini gataline gun that shot poison bullets at the lizard men killing them.

" What this can't be , you havn't heard the last of me " Farqaud said. The captain unleashed hot fury into farqaud killing him.

" Yes we have " said the captain , and pressed a button to return the pipe to  a smokeing device.

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Dirty little 2 feet tall man

always playing funny games

jumping kicking bumbleing bruising

but never loseing

what a marvel to see

2 feet tall man droping everybody

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Wind howleing in ears

leaning around corners

on my bike off my bike

phycopath driver raming me

the taste of gravel in my teeth

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Sitting now airborn hot air

wood , steel and other smashing peice's

stick into my back

some bits splitting to the bone

 

awake to a shakeing and sit up headbutting

something wich turns out ot be a nurse

is now standing with blood nose dripping on the floor

she leaves i sleep

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I was polishing my sword , sitting at the park when from the road ran Cathy Freeman behind her there was Godzilla who roared and ate a chicken strip. Then in disgust Godzilla threw away the chicken picked up a car and threw it at the KFC building.

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A monster shop that roams the world looking suitble empty paddocks to make it's home. Once its found it's new home it settles it's roots that connnnect the sewers. Lured by the new shop the customers enter the shop and are greeted by a waft of gas that dispersd by the monster shop, wich confuses the customer into thinking they must have all their money can buy. Still in a trance the consumer leaves haveing their money consumed by the money eating monster shop. The consumer is unaware of the crime againts them till they return home, they sit and think ; " hey where's my money" but having no memory of the monster shop. On and on the shop roams sucking the wealth of countrys with the sole purpose of callapsing world goverment.

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I walk into the bath and descover a large plastic doll in it floating face down in the water , and think of a horror movie.

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Cake bursting into flames dark face behind the flames the face grins then growls. Then grows and consumes all in a dark haze nothing but darkness with fog hear and there. A light is switched on and i'm at the school fair. Clowns come and talk in strange tounges the tounges then come out like serpant and strangle away my air dripping saliver all over my head. I choke and curse as im put to bed thats makeing a strange noise. I feel the bed stir and rumble like it lives then out spews bugs with crab eyes they crawl over me then watch me with there crab eyes. I scream and hiss then in comes a man dressed as a docter but looking like a dark wolf. The wolf docter starts talking and shakeing his head then pulls out a needle bigger then my head , with a mighty thrust he stabs it through my head. Colours and shapes start to fill my eyes then the bugs crawl onto the wolf docter and hitch a ride. A cartoon is played but not on tv. The cartoon is in my head and it calls for me I close my eyes and drift into the land thats filled with colours and characters of every kind.

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I was washing the intended rally car down with petrol and threw a match to it engulfing it in flames. It then transformed into aa robot and asked what was happening. It then looked down to descover it's self on fire. The robot then transformed it's self back into a car and drove away flames flickering in the wind. He then drove towards the river and into the water.

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five friends surfing through space on a paper air plane landed on the orange rocky surface of mars. The plane bunrt up and so did the five friends.

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It was a hot summer day , and I was sitting under a tree at the billabong eating a peach. The peach sweated in the heat as did I. Each bite was like ahhh ! , as was each gust of wind. The water started bubbleing and from the water came a horrid beast it's face could not be looked at without an all consumeing horror washing over you. It was the devil he came up and sat next to me and had session with his other peices of himself.

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I was rideing my bicycle when I was stoped by a vomit worthey smell. Apon inspection I found a human body with knifes sticking out of each eye, there where rats nibbleing on one of the foots. I rode on and stopped for a rest at a bus shelter. A bus started slowing to a stop , and there came the horrid sound of the buses brakes like thousands of fingers on chalk boards scratching at once. It felt as though the noise it's self was inside my brain scratching at it. I jumped on my bike and rode on. Feeling quite hungry now I pulled up to a fish and chip shop. It wasn't much of a place it's lack of stock and leery eyed shop keeper was off putting. I bought chips with good faith. I left the shop and sat in a park on a bench. I took a bite of a chip and was greated by a horrid taste , it was as though the chips had been cooked in sweat , I even found a half fryed hair. I threw the chips in the bin and kept rideing. I pulled over at a reserve and got off the bike and walked into the tree's. I felt something drop down my back , I then felt a bite. I ripped off my shirt and saw a centapede like creature crawle away. An incredible itch roared to life wich I scratched with might but couldn't quite reach it. Flys began buzzing around the bite they crawled on it itching it more. I droped onto my back and rolled like a dog , then passed out. I then had visions of hellish places of infinate pain and torture.

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I was at the court to supervise a game of basketball between some kids in the naighbourhood , when out of the darkness came chalk being drawn in a line towards us of it's own free will, it keept comeing until it had no more chalk left then disapeard. A panther then walked past. All the kids stoped to watch the big black cat, one of the kids then threw a rock at the panther. The panther hiss and growled at the boy and left. The boy who threw it was then laughed at cause he had wet him self.

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Surfing on a wave of brown slimey poison. The wave is tidal and I speed along and get G-forces but I hold on and continue my ride blue magnetic lines surround me. A hot glow surrounds me and i'm launched into super sonic speed. Clouds rush at me and i'm in space. I put my arms out in an attempt to  slow my self but can't. I turn around so my feet are first and lay back and watch my journy through space. I see a dark spot ahead it's a black hole. I fight it with might to escape but can't , i'm sucked in.

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Hey there just thoughts in your mind

oh no there thoughts in your mind thats in my mind

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my name is carla I just moved into a new house, I just bought a new car too a real expensive sports model black in colour. I drove to my mums and asked if she could help move my stuff. I look down long driveway there are oaks scatterd all over the yard, It's autem and the wind blows leafs here and there. I was unpacking boxs from the car with my mum when I saw a young man about her age 22 or so. He was rideing past with another on bicycles. He held a guitar in one hand and the other on the bicycle. A month later I knew the shops in the surrounding areas. Met a few good people but no one special. The house had my money splashed all through it. I have grand piano and electric guitar , a room with a bar dance-floor and karoke ( with good music chosen by me ). There is a swimming pool built in the roof wich is heated. walls and curtains all white while the furniture is all colour , the lounge room a green floor with brown and blue seats and couch. The rest is oddly shaped walls and long halls to rooms far of. Every wall has roof to floor windows. You can see through almost every wall , the only part you can't see past are the white cement cylinders. The phone rang it was one of my friends. She said she would come and bring friends, I agreed and went and took a bath. I awoke from my daze by someone singing. I put on a towel and went to the window. It was the boy I saw rideing the bicyle. He was walking up the drive to the house. " Hi saw that you just moved in , so I just came to say if you ever need help and see me in the street say my name Renold" said Renold.

" we'll Renold I could use some company , so if you dont mind waiting till I come out of the shower you can join me" Said Carla.

" uh yeah alright " Renold said with a large smile. Renold paced around the house looking at everything then stoped at the guitar picked it up and started to play. Carla was instantly impressed and started to feel turned on.

" not bad " Carla said standing naked a few feet from Renold. Renold was stunned by the sight when he opened his eyes from her voice.

" yeah " was all he could say back to her as she aproached. Talking , the words meaningless that she said. She embraced him and sex followed some of the best for each. Renold sat looking at the walls so white they where nothing like his house. Looking at the walls he imagined them coverd in blood by his hand then eating and singing and drinking up Carla's sex. Carla sat totally relaxed and calm drifting in and out of dreams. A loud knock woke them both to reality. It was Liz Carla could the sound two boys. Oh great she's planing she thought to herself. Renold just sat and watched as Carla got dressed bending and arking her back then wink at Renold and walk out to the front door. It was Liz she was with two shady looking blokes who where dressed in track pants and sweaters. She usherd them in and shut the door. They sat and talked for a while then one of the fellows asked where the kitchen was. Carla showed him and he revealed the bong , big glass two chamber.  " very good you have some stuff then " Carla said.

" Yeah I have the cronic primes " the man said and went back to the lounge room. They all started smokeing up they had a few each and room went quite. Then Carla could hear a strange whispering sound like in the movies, She looked at the others and found that they could hear it too.

" Rarrr ! " Screamed Renold as he jumped out from hideing behind the couch. They all gasped one of the two men jumped to his feet.

" cool ya jets man " Carla said " this is Renold ".

She introduced everbody , and they sat and smoked more billys and watched some tv after Renold turned it on. Carla was startled by another sound.

" Whats wrong " Renold said.

A lound bang came from the front door , the room was then filled with men in dark coats with handguns.

" ok don't go doing a rambo now boys" said a tall man with a gold tooth that made him look like a gangsta.

" where just here for the drugs now where are they " he said looking over them pointing a shotgun.

" Thats the only drugs we have " Carla said pointing to the half empty bowl. The leader went and whisperd something to a few of his henchman  then stood faceing us. A few minutes went by before one of the henchmen returned and spoke to the leader. He nodded then they all walked outside while Carla and the others looked out the window.They saw the men going in and out a trap door she never knew was there. They where carrying pounds of dope. " Oh shit I never knew you went like this girl " said one of Liz's friends.

" I didn't even know it was there " Carla said.

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The evil cheese wafting it's cheesy smells putting cheese lovers into a trance , with a cheesy grin the evil cheese leads them to the cheese hidout where cheese lovers are turned into food for the evil cheese.

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My head hurt. Then there was an explosion in my room that knocked a chair into my face wich actuly saved me from shraknel. The clown gang showed up to amuse me in my sadness then drove me to a shelter.

My head hurt. Then there was an explosion in my room that knocked a chair into my face wich actuly saved me from shraknel. The clown gang showed up to amuse me in my sadness then drove me to a shelter.

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A caped hero named Ice cream man was eating a hot dog when from the pits of hell came an evil spider monster. Ice cream man ate ice cream and evil spider fell down and died.

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Rob had a hold of a stack of electrical goods as he aproached the car I poped the boot , he threw the stuff in. I sensed something wrong and I was right as half the naighbourhood came out there houses as though in a trance all holding weapons bats , golf clubs, basketballs. It was totally wierd man they just started hitting the car like animals trying to break through to us. I put the car in gear and baged them up and took off.

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In the olden days of 1842 perth was rulled by the evil tyrnt Gregory Waltors. He rode around in his coach with four horses. Some say you can still hear the whips crack at the train park where his marion once stood. It was late we still had no recordings of any paranormal activity Lou and Harry where getting restless and where about to the place waited after weeks repeated visits. When I heard a strange sound , a whip the others heard it too and looking up on top of the train. I looked up and on top off the red 1901 train there was a glow.

" The ghost of Gregory Waltors " harry screeched. The whip cracked again then the train started moveing the wheels turned the engine puffed and whip cracked. The train ploughed through the park destroying the swings , Harry and Lou jumped out of the way and the tyrnt laughed and cracked his whip and rode the train through the town through houses through peoples loung rooms crushing anything in it's path that go's to the river , where the train is lost in the rivers depths.

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I was sitting by the river in the summer afternoon sun , when I heard a strange sound. It sounded like a bath being let out. I looked toward the sound and there in the water stood an amoured armadillo holding a plug. The water drained leaveing fish flaping about in the mud.

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Reading magazines waiting for roger to get his haircut at the Pull and cut hair saloon. When a lion walked into the shop and sat in the shop window knocking a manaquin over. It sat there rather tame licking it's self then fell asleep. By the time the shop closes they had the lion captured , it had escaped from a house nearby and was returned.

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Juicy

saucey meat

cheesy chunks of

crispy delight

lushes

sweet juicy fruit

delecteble vegetables

of all colour

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A gang of crows flaped and flew and lifted the pie they where encrusted in up into the air.

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Snotty little susie jumps off

the diveing board and lands head first

on the board bounceing into the air like ragdoll

then into the water

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Clenching teeth poison flowing

every vain I feel the pain throbing

with every second

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draped in sauce comes the man from beneath the pit of sauceyness

out into many days of little rays

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A giant wave of energy flys past like space and time it's self is water.

Red spiders fill you vision and you fall of the branch thats held you since birth into chaos and calamitie.

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I was putting on a pair of sox , when I heard a sound on the front lawn it sounded like a rocket landing . I went to the window and was shocked by the sight of Astroboys face peering back at me. I spent the rest of the day ranting with Astroboy about everything and nothing.

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Blue sky spotted with clouds that looked cartoon like. Red lasers fly past filling the air with smoke and sparks.

--------------------------trees , glowing green grass

mechanical birds and fuzzy yellow sun

make up the world of dum didi dum

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I was sitting in front of the tv at mums chewing on a wart , when my brother farted. Then as if called by my brothers fart a bolt of lightning burst through the ceiling and blew up the tv. Sparks and glass burst out everywhere , no one was harmed. At least thats what I thought , I looked outside and see a quite bizzare sight. Bodys hundreds of dead bodys being thrown into a pile in the street. I asked an ses officer what happened.

" There was a strange super high voltage lighting bolt in the area ", " Im suprised youre alive , about 2 sqaure kilometres around where were standing has been wiped of all life ". A tree then fell over and killed the ses officer.

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I was playing a game with friends where you took a pole and hit some man who was in the middle of the field with it. If you can hit him and make him screem without getting touched by him you get a point. I was on attack , I ran in pole out ready to swing the man held his hands out ready to block my attack , I held the pole high as if to hit his head then swung low tricking him and hit him in the foot. He let out a groan of pain. I stoped and realized the man wasn't actuly in on the game , it was as if the man was just some drunk who fell on the feild and passed out. Then some kids started hitting him with poles , then made a game out of it. The man looked serverly beaten and I decided to stop playing. Gorgio , the one who started the game asked what was wrong. I told him and assured me the man was in on it. I looked at the man bleeding now then back to Gorgio. I knew Gorgio was lying and left the game. Later that week I heard that Gorgio was beaten up by someone. I guess that means the man got his revenge.

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Young bull's no fool

he ran when farmer came with axe

The bull moans as he hits the barb wire fence

 

he fights the pain and pushes some more

farmer near like death it self the bull

charges into the pain

breaking free he runs to fast for farmer

 

into the wind the pain ligers on

he finds a medow far beyond and is forever

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Tickleing rain raining drenching

 running sweating

stoped and sweating

sit and thinking

rain sothing , calming , saving

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The fat dripping man

dripping into the hot pan

fatty eggs that smell of sickness

a convolsive power chuck into ones face

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Sitting by the bridge on the grass eating an apple I noticed something wiggle out of the apple , it was a worm. I threw the apple into the water. Light started glowing from the river in the shape of a pentagram and the apple came out of the water and flew towards me . I dodged and watched as it came back around I readyd my self then punched the apple splitting it into peices. My badge I just got from some event started moveing then ripped itself from my shirt and flew off. The glowing pentagram stoped and sound of cars and wind returned with the warmth of the sun so I slept.

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I was totaly free I had done my days work and I sat back to unravel into the slow sounds of the outside world and into dreams. I dreamt of a huge bug reading books out loud to some smaller bugs. The huge bug then left the room, it was simaler to a dung beetle only the size of a dog. It made a clicking sound like a horse only more plastic like. Following the but I found it in the kitchen eating a cake laced with shit. There was a man makeing all sorts of horrid meals : spitgetti bile-naisel or rotted corpse roast , toe jam on toast , maggot ridden corpes smotherd in a punget steamy sewrage sauce , veil in a cold chunky vomit gravy.

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Rolf harrased a kangeroo and was sentance by a judge with an extreme dislike to Rolf Harris songs. The prosacutions turn to speak was on.

" So mr Harris , please tell the court how the incedent happend " said the Al gore looking lawyer.

" Well "  said Rolf as he pulled a woble board out and begain to sing " Tie me kangeroo down sport ! , tie me kangeroo down "

" Thats enough " The judge roared standing up. " I sentance you to ten years, court adjorned " .

And with that Rolf was sent to jail where he sometimes started big sing alongs with the inmates that had to be ended wth threats.

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Stinking man come to greet

you could smell him half way across the street

He holds a piece of rotted

meat wich he sniffs

then puts his hand out to greet

flash of panic in clean freaks head

fallen over now half dead 

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Hellish sheep with red flaming wool screaming a bah that swells to the roar of a lion wich swells to atomic explosion like volume. Fire burst from the ground people gather round to watch the awsome defening sound of the sheep from hell roaring it's story of woe for eternity until the steely sheerer comes to save the day.

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kung fu weasle

weasling his way out of

the holes he gets into

but one day he'll be

and be a kung fu legend

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feeling empty got to get plenty

feeling full of loads of drool but not the

real one wich is to come stomic stirring

pot with meat and sauce

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A cat sat playing with a fly killing it , when from the depths of hell came a huge orange fly it zoomed down at the cat and stabed it's pointy nose into the cat, the cat struck back with it's claws. The battle raged on , orange fly swooping to attack , cat counter attacking. The battle ended when the monster fly stabed the cat through the head.

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I was rideing along on my bike when a strange force came over me , the chain suddenly snaped and I started going at an impossible speed. Flames started comeing out of the air in front of me. I went straight into the earth , digging deeper and deeper , I come out in the middle of the earths core. I'm surrounded by lava inside a kind of force feild lava surrounds me in all directions. There is a large eye ball looking at me , I look into the eye of the eye and thousands of images start flashing before  me as well as thousands of different sounds. The chaotic noise stops and I find myself shooting upwards through the lava and out with a valcanic eruption landing on an island. A girl comes up to me and looks at me. She's one the natives to the island , she kisses me and I spend the rest of my days there happy.

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These are memories from a few of my favourite movies:

 

Half baked:

remember when

 

The dog has a bong and is flying high like superman

 

The overfed horse

 

" don't worry kenny we'll save your virgin ass "

 

The total stoner " yeah man ! "

 

The dude on the couch who wakes up pisses on the pot plant , solves all there problams then goe's back to sleep

 

Dude where's my car:

 

Sweat whats mine say

 

The jocks all jumping from there to hassle the stoners

" stoner bashen time "

 

" oh look it's ms leedermin " says the dude steping out in front of her car happy waveing . She the speeds up hiting him.

 

Zoolander:

 

The secret files are in the computer , Zoolander smashes to peice's in search

 

Freddy got fingerd:

 

Rolling along the conveyer belt screaming ding dong! ding dong! with a large sausage between legs

 

" I see one lamba , do you see two lambas

 I see one lama do you see two "

The main charecter moans with delight.

 

"Back wards man im the back wards man" wearing suit backwards

 

"Found magic treasure " Pulling out soap on a rope from the toilet

 

" I saved the day " By pulling a baby being born out and swinging it around by the umbilical cord

" I saved the day " As he's led out the ward.

 

"Spank me yes, harder ! harder!"

She gets hit in the face

" not my face you fuckhead "

 

The farther who is real rough throwing things at his son then laughing crazedly

 

"Three hundred dauch marks" freddy screams into the fake ( home phone) mobile. It all gets out of hand when a kid starts squirting everybody with his water pistals

freddy jumps into it spraying everybody with a fire hose with that look of crazed delight.

--------------------------

My brother lost the match of air hockey. We had a bet , loser is a lacky for an hour. I was sitting back watching cartoons as my brother cleaned my room and did my chores. Mum brought in some creamed corn on toast , wich I ate with pleasure. After the hour was up I went back to my room to check how clean it was. It was spotless the bed made floor cleared and vacumed, it was a good job. As I was about leave when I noticed a roll of sticky-tape under the cuboard I nealt down and picked it up. But when I went to pull it out I found it stuck, I pulled harder then fell back , the cuboard then opened and out spewed piles of shit all over me. A trap set by my brother I knew this cleaned room too good to be true.

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off to the higher level place where people can kill each-other if you do you can become an out-law and gaurds kill you. I finally sleep then the next day I play again. I realize im getting really into the game when I start to get scared of dieing. I'd see hi level players the bad ones then run because when you die your items and sword and stuff can be stolen. I come across some players farming, i'd already tryd my hand at farming but I like just killing monsters.

" Please leave your upsetting my mind-peace" someone said to me so I left and logged off. I dreamt of the world of the online game , it was all medievil with swords and shields. I was a menace in the dream I ran around with a bow of poison attacking people and being a real villan.

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I was skiping stones on the water when I felt the ground ruble. Then from a pile of rocks burst a giant rock man , roaring like a dinosour as he came out. He then grabed me by the legs and spun me around like he was giveing dizzy wizzys. He then let me go at full speed at the water. My body bounced along the water then when I stopped the rock monster spoke " How do you like it " it said. " Not to bad " I replyed. The stone mans body then fell apart into a pile of stones. I get out of the water and head home dripping wet each gust of wind is like a freeze ray chilling me to the bone. I notice something comeing from the sewers ahead. Bubbles like the kind you blow with soapy water. I hear kids laughing and music like that of a carnival or a merry go round. I decide to take a closer look , I pull off the grate and peer down through the bubbles but can't see anything. So I climb down into the sewer. The sewers are old dark and smelly , it's half a cylinder shaped and the walls are green and brown. Bubbles float around in the air everywhere in the dark. I follow the sounds of laughter and find a large room with a floor and a control panel. There are about ten clowns danceing around blowing bubbles at about ten children who run and laugh at the antics of the clowns. Then like an illusion the chisdren disapear , and all the clown gather around me. I notice now that the clowns all have sharp claws and there eyes look like that of drunks. They all smile then put there arms out at me with there sharp claws. I turn and run up the sewer and to my suprise I find a stable with a horse. Without thinking as if possesed I climb the horse and begin to ride holding tight to it's maim. I leave the clowns for dust or should I say sewrage. After a while galloping along through the smelly filthy water , I find a ladder leading to the surface. I climb the ladder in a hurry and push open the hatch and climb out. I find my self in the middle of the street , a car screechs to a stop in front of me. I hear the horse cry out and turn around to look down into the sewer, But i'm stoped by blood and horse flesh spewing out the hole like a volcano. I jump back in shock and as the clowns jump out the hole together in a mass like a cartoon bunch of clowns.

--------------------------

sky like ever changeing painting

sweet smells on the wind

wind caresing me all over

trees howle like huge gentle creatures

--------------------------

The blazeing firebird burning all into a red supernova of powerfull destruction with bits of  skull and eyes poping in red explosions of blood in a sea wich fills the beast mouth. That holds it all his goblet.

--------------------------

I slammed on the brakes and found a snake down my pants it was sitting there smokeing with a serious look on it's face it grinned then slid into the passenger seat the started to change grow morph into a person then into another person then into another and into many more. Changing at a rapid rate the colour of the clothes makeing a sort of flashing effect. Next thing I know a toxic chemicals truck slams into my car. Chemicals poured all over me , I felt a strange sensation and then I was turned into the toxic avenger and so began my already ended before it started mission to get vengance. Already ended because when the truck crashed into my car a bit of shracknel hit a bird in the head causing it brain damage. The bird flew around confused it flew high into the air and into a plane engine. The engine failed and the plane crashed into the toxic chemicals company giveing me my vengance.

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Snotty kid with a crazed notion that everyones out to get him so he leaves home and joins a rebelion againts adults. A small group of kids obsessed with the idea that adults have kids just to tell them what to do an cook them yuky food. The kids where going to launch a strike on the adults and take over and rule there houses. They had there rope weapons and 9volt battery with wires ready and where about to leave when a man in a superhero outfit apeard and talked them out of it.

--------------------------

Doing a test in shcool , I loathed this one the most. Just as I thought this an alien blasted down the door and said " this is crazy run free kids ". Everyone just sat there in aw as the teacher grabed the alien by the shoulder and said  " So you thought you could fool me Jhones , Well think again " said the teacher.

" Come on where going to the princebles office" said mr Wacker. The alien not impressed pulled out a laser gun and turned the teacher into bones.

--------------------------

Sitting on the beach with a candle shivering in the wind , I build a sand castle. Then from the water rolls a ball of bolengaise , it rolls up the beach and over my castle. Quite anoyed I grab a stick and poke at the ball and penetrate the meaty outa surface. The ball stops moveing so I poke it a few more times  and make a hole. Inside there is a baby in a cradle rocking softly to sweet music. The meat grows over the hole I made and rolls away.

--------------------------

Biteing my hand

the flesh feels good between my

teeth

I imagine someone suicidal

biteing at there hand

eating there own hand

someone comes to see thee

biteing munching ravensly

with blooded grining teeth

I wonder if he would finish

his meal that pain cannot stop

before the ambulance comes

--------------------------

I was sitting at the pizza store eating a slice of pizza, when in burst a ragdoll through the door danceing and bounceing around as if helf by strings. The doll bounced on peoples pizza people tryd to catch the doll but where unsucsesfull as the doll would jump over them high into the air as if by magic. The cook burst through the door with a butchers knife and ran at the doll swinging his knife, the doll reacted and jumped high into the air and stayed there, strange mechanical noises came from the doll , then it's eyes went red and it shot red beams at the cook knocking him out. People started screaming and running out the door squishing eachother to get out. I stayed and watched the as the owner picked up the phone but the doll shot lasers at the phone explodeing it into peices , the owner ran out with a wet crotch. I sat and the doll turned to me , I did nothing. It looked at me with it's terminator like eyes it's eyes then faded and it continued it's dance. The ground then began shakeing at intravals of a few seconds as though a giant was walking around outside. I stood up to go outside but was stoped by a laser blast by the doll wich was looking at me. There was a string in it's back wich was pulled down by it's own accord.

" please play with me " came the electronic girls voice. I stood considering my options and sat back down , and the doll continued the dance. It wasn't till I sat back down that I noticed the giant footsteps sound had gotton closer. I started to feel dizzy I pulled at my hair in an attempt to wake my self from what must have been a dream. But this was real , the sound of the giant foot steps , the doll danceing magicly around the room this was no dream. I came up with a plan to escape. I would get under the table then crawle towards the door useing the tables for cover. I waited until the dolls back was turned and got under the table. The doll didn't notice so I began to crawle to the next table.

" Please come play with me " came the dolls voice and lasers started shooting at the table I was under blowing a hole in it above me. I turned around and saw the doll looking at me.

" Please come play with me " came the voice again. There was a defening noise and the roof was torn off, and above the store was a  giant spider stareing  down at me and the doll with it's many eyes. The spider then plunged it's fangs down at the doll wich dodged the attack and flew outside like a powerpuff girl. It then unleashed lasers on the spider causeing it to back away with earth shaking steps. I took this chance to run away , I ran with all my will towards the subway and stoped  and caught my breath. The subway was empty except for a drunk in a corner who looked like he was struggleing with a dream. I walk over to him. " Hey wake up youre dreaming " I said but just kept moaning. " no no! get away " he said puting his hands out in front of him. I nealt down and shook him. " wake up " I said as I shook him , he then got up and said with his rotted teeth " you wake up ". I awoke coverd in sweat in me bed.

--------------------------

It was six in the morning , the garbage trucks where collecting the trash. I had to get going to class , I got ready and was about to leave the house when there was a loud noise. It was a gong with an axeman wearing a black mask standing next to it. " Who the hell are you " I said no reply came. I started to aproach the man who then raised his axe into the air as if to strike me. I stoped in my tracks. " what is this " I say but no reply comes , he just strikes the gong again and returns his masked face towards me his eyes meeting mine. I decide to leave the house and call the police at the phone box. Then to my horror every single person on the street is wearing black masks like the axeman and they all carryed gongs. And when ever I look at one they would stop and look at me and hit the gong. Then when I stoped looking at them they kept moveing. Now i'm totally freaked out and I run. I find a phone box and dial tripple 0 , and wait. The phone is answerd but no one speaks. " Hello , hello is anybody there " I say , then comes the reply " gong ! ".

--------------------------

A small hairy creature walked into a brothel and asked for a cunt. The reseptionist called the police. The police came

in pussys then arrested the hairy creature.

--------------------------

A fly was flying around the room when it crashed into the cieling fan and died. Being the profesional I am , I decided to deployd the cleaners onto the mess. I picked up the phone , the phone then flew out of my hands then started waveing around the air like a tentical.

--------------------------

Army of man invading the mother city.

Penises shooting sticky cum at the people, traping them in sticky cum. The city deploys it's defence , the viginas. The viginas are specialy designed to consume the penises. The viginas attack.

" Deploy the Mega penis " the general of the penises says. The mega penis fires covering the viginas with cum. The viginas deploy there super weapon Super pussy!. The pussy jumps through the air onto the Mega penis. A great battle begins . Military position move. The Mega penis was being chewd on the side by the Super pussy and it's teeth. The Mega penis engages military position and starts filling the Super pussy with cum. The battle rages on destroying half the city. The vigina filling more and more up the Mega penis sliced from the Super pussy's teeth. They rage on then the penis shoots one last load and is biten in half just as the pussy explodes. The war over the clean up begins.

--------------------------

I was as angry as can be and the violin harrold was playing sent me into a rage and I screamed at Harold to get out. In a fit he threw down the violin and called me a trator and stormed out slaming the old wooden door like another instrument, an instrument of anger.

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Walking in the rain to meet my date at the graveyard. She said to meet by the angle. It was 5:29 the date was at 5:30. There was a rumbleing underneath the earth , then from the earth exploded a zombie girl with black hair and rotting flesh.

" Well your alright looking , have trouble finding the place" she said in a crackling voice. I backed away from her stunned.

--------------------------

Pouring my self another orange juice I cast another line. Fishing is probably my favourite thing in the world apart from sleeping , because you don't have to do anything most the time. After just a few minutes I get something , I pull it in. It's a cactus it's moveing as though something or lots of somethings are in it. I poke at the wriggleing cactus with my fishing line and out jumps a huge spider that starts biteing the rod. Many more spiders spew out , I drop my rod and run to the car and jump in. The fishing rod now coverd in spiders. I start the car and leave the camp site abandoning my tent and stuff to the hoard of spiders. I start to feel light headed and feel a huge itch. I stop the car and check the itch and find two bite marks , it must have been one of the spiders and I didn't even know. I decide to drive to the hospital after a few minutes driveing i'm shocked by a huge spider on the middle of the road. I slam on the brakes tyers screeching  to a stop. Then blink and spiders gone , just an illusion made by the poison. I drive on and to my suprise theres another giant spider on the middle of the road. This time I drive on ignoreing what I thought an illusion but my car didn't go through the illusion like I thought , instead I crash with great force into one of the spiders legs then pass out. I awoke in a hospital bed with a nurse handing me a phone.

" It's your mother " she said and gave me the phone.

" Are you alright " came my mothers concerned voice.

" I think so " I said , the scene then changed and I was on my couch at home watching E.R. . My mother was on the phone however and we chatted for a while.

--------------------------

Yellow and orange fire licking the air like the devils tounge. The coals pour heat to your face like a kiss, sending you into splendid rest. Gental cracking of coal as though it where natures words.

--------------------------

Car garage flying through and through

on the bon bon oh

little mouse running to

the posom army

walks on through the cold streets

waiting for a safe palce

to sleep

looking for a reason

for the meaning of life is but an idea

dear but whats good is more than an idea

dear runs through the bush free and fit

as the sun shone brightly warming

everyone and making the garden grow

while I sit and draw images of the

scenery green and lush

Flying fly frying pie tasty meaty treat

eat the life on the street and beat

root of the loot being carried by the wattle

tree in the wind through my hair

oh yeah

--------------------------

Walking along eating a sandwich I suddenly was knocked over by something. I looked around and descoverd an elaborate trap set up on the footpath made of elastic bands wrapped about a fence and a telegraph pole. My leg was quite tangled in the trap and I struggled to get free. Someone steped in front of me , a man wearing  a magicians robe who said " so you found my trap then , sorry but I had to test it out , I will free you now " he said with a snap of his fingers and disapeared with the trap into thin air.

--------------------------

I had been traveling for days and decided to pull into an inn. The inn keeper was a little lady with the look of a green wich. She had a dark look with her black eyes, the longer I looked at her the more green and horrid she seemed. " If you want to stay you'll have to help me with the sewing " she said

" Hmm well what can I do I can't really sew"

" Just get me the basket " she said sitting down.

" and where's that "

" it's by the place of fire "

" The place of fire ? " I said confused.

" over there " she said pointing  her green pointy hand somwhere.

" oh the fireplace" I said and got the basket and put it next to her.

" Now could you push that switch " She said pointing to what looked like a light switch. I pressed the switch it went dark , I looked towards the old lady all I could see was two red eyes looking at me.

" Are you gonna help me " came a deep monsters voice.

" Are you going to help me sew " The voice crackled again.

" Actuley i'd just like to leave now " I said stumbleing as I steped back. As I ran to leave the lights returned and with them the lady.

" I thought you would have helped oh well here's your money " She said holding the money out. I leant over to her , not wanting to get to close and took the money and left.

--------------------------

A mountain spewing money like lava people scramble around and collect money in huge buckets , bags anything huge. The mountain rumbles and a huge bundle of money blasts out and lands on a few people and kils them the people continue collecting money.

--------------------------

Power Pete was a powerful man who liked to eat sausages and would often smoke crack till one day his arch nemisis Alzimer Al apeared and said he would smash Power Pete , Power Pete was too offa to do a thing. Alzimer Al pulled out his walking stick and was about to attack when alzimers kicked in and Alzimer Al saw a crate of strawberries wich he quite liked and began to eat them.

--------------------------

Apples on trees you can eat for ever ah haa says the Appleman filling the world with apple trees that have poison apples that can walk into your mouth and start a tree out of your stomic.

--------------------------

Walking up the street I hear feet clip cloping behind me I imagine it to be horses feet and legs with a ladys top half.

--------------------------

A housewife was at home washing dishers. When the front door was kicked in, it was the ballistics team. They had a report of a bomb in the house. After an extensive search a harrier jet crashed into the house and exploded killing everyone. The power rangers then showed up and made some fighting sounds , a few sparks burst from the ground and they left.

--------------------------

He'd never caught a fish in his life his farther was a fisherman and his farther before him a fisherman , but he just couldn't catch a thing. He had recently taken time of his job in the city and had been sitting for hours and he still hadn't caught a thing. He started thinking about his life in the city and all the stress in his life. He turned around to see people sitting down from him had caught a big salmon , they laughed. Another hour past that was filled with more laughter and fish from the people down pier. The thoughts pounded in his head he felt ready to explode. And he did.

" Catch fish ! catch fish ! " " Fuck catch fish " he said and ran over to the people down the pier and attacked them with his rod.

" I'll catch something allright" he screamed as he swung at the men they tryd to fight back but in vain. His rage exploded on them with great force knocking the men out. He then started throwing the line out at people hundreds of metres away. Hooking some and pulling them over. Till they pulled free of the hook. The police showed up and aimed there guns. The crazed man jumped behind a barrel and refused there plea's. He then threw the line at them from behind the barrel. The hook flew at them catching one of the officers by suprise , stabing him in the neck. The crazed man pulled at the line ripping the cops throte open , the cop reacted letting of a shot wich went through the head of the other cop. The crazed man got up from behind the drum shocked by what he had done. He now thought to him self ; " Ive killed , what have I done " . He knew his life was over but couldn't accept it. After a few minutes sitting amongst some bushes he decided he was going to do something with himself he wanted to change the world so he took an axe and went of on a rampage smashing anything electric. He was hell bent on destroying all technolgys , tvs , toasters , computers especialy. He stormed through houses and wreaked quite alot but was apreahened after a few hours.

--------------------------

A crazed man starts rolling around on the floor uncontrolebly. Uncontrolble out bursts of muscle spazems turning his body into a mass of destructive flesh , that bounced around the room breaking things. It was much like the tazmainian devil when he spins around in a cloud.

--------------------------

Sitting in a large room chandelier above carpets coffe table and chars made of wood all dark wood very lavish. Charlie handed me a bisket to dip in the tea, the fire roaring out of control bursting out like a rocket burst , Charlie and me both react and dive to the floor. Fire continues to spew out of the fire place in bursts , the curtains the walls burning. Flames begin comeing towards us trying to consume us. We run out and escape the house. Standing there watching it burn in the shadows fire balls start bursting out of the house landing on other houses ,  roaring with the wind. A fire ball hovering in the air starts comeing towards us, we run I find a door and open it I turn around to the sight of Charlie exploding in a ball of fire.

--------------------------

Floating down the river on my boat I hear a noise ahead like a whistle , then a huge blob came from the sky and landed in the water. After the blob resurfaced it began to break apart , inside was a round glass thing with a brain inside. The thing rose up into the air and floated there, then from nowhere came dukes of hazard car from a jump landing onto the alien brain pushing it underwater. Seconds past and the brain came out with a splash. One of the dukes got out of the car and started a dule with the brain, punching it with a powerful blow , the glass is broke. Open is the brain to blows of grea headache wich turn to ruptors and the death of the foe.

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Rolling down the hill in the soft grass in a rolly polly of the greatest speed i'd ever had. The rolling intensified and I found my self unable to stop. I rolled to the bottom and kept rolling through some bushes and came out into a clearing and found myself in a village of natives. A villager came up to me , he was wearing a fancy outfit campared to the rest of the village meaning he was probably the chief. He then spoke " Hello welcome , would you like to join our dinner ". Feeling rather hungry I agreed and he led me to the middle of the village.

" there you go " The chief said pointing too a pot of soup. I walked over and smelled the pot then looked for a spoon. Finding one on the ground , I started to eat the soup , wich tasted rather bland . " This soup needs something " I said to the chief. The chief then said something to some of the villagers they all laughed , as the villagers picked me up. I struggled but in vain as they poked me with spears. They droped me in the pot. It wasn't that hot yet and was quite nice. So I sat back and tryd to relax , might as well make my last moment a good one. The tempreture in the water increased and it started to hert. I went to get out only to have spears stab me back down into the near boiling water. I heard some ruckes , villagers where screaming. I heard somebody speak in a loud voice " I'll just take this proton energy pill ". There was a strange noise and I saw a strange glowing white figure beating all the villagers. He finished of the hole village then turned to the chief. The chief said " curse you " and ran away. I jumped out of the pot. I then realized who this strange being was , Roger Ramshit the all american hero.

" Lets go " Roger said. I followed him to his jet and was taken back to my house and droped off.

--------------------------

Walking to the corner store through the park I was stoped by a red glowing box in the air. I moved closer to inspect , the box then started moveing hovering through the air. It then flew straight up, the came down at great speed going into the earth. I walked over and looked in the hole and found the box had stoped glowing red and was a shiney silver. I nelt down and touched the smooth surface , I felt an incredible force enter my body and I was knocked off my feet. Lying there I got the incredible erge to jump up like they to in kung fu movies , flicking there body up to standing position. I tryd and did it to my amazement. Something happened with that strange cube , I felt a change in me but I wasn't sure what. I have to tell the authoritys I thought and headed for the police station. Walking down the street  I saw a milk drink in the gutter , it had a straw in it wich started to grow. A straw would pop out and out of that straw another straw poped out , till it was a long arm like thing. It then wrapped this arm around me , wrapping around my head. It then spoke saying " drink me , please I love you , drink me !" said the milk drink as it tryd to stick it's straws in my mouth. I ripped at it and threw it to the ground like a milk carton octopuss. It pulled it's self towards me trying to catch me, I ran from it and kept walking. I came to a car park and cut through it , there where yellow lines and arrows on the ground. Walking through the carpark I bump into an invisible , I reach out to touch it , it had no texture just a sort of force like the force between two magnets. I follow the wall and found it to be everywhere around the lines marking the car spaces. I walked around the lines, then when I stepped on one of the yellow arrows pointing where the traffic should go I was shot into a run. I had lost control of my body and found my self running at the speed of superman. The direction of the arrow pointed onto the road. Cars swerved and beeped there horns and I ran to the side of the road. I got to the police station and opened the door to an astonishing scene. There where great fat monstrus creatures sitting everywhere they looked like jaba the hut in starwars. There where masks on the policemen's faces that was connected to black pipes that ran to the crotchs of the huge beasts. The monsters sat there moaning as if in pleasure. The police frozen as if a trance. Some doors swung open and two of the monsters came through and pointed at me a black pipe , It then came at me from a gun like thing. I bolted out the door and ran till my lungs where bursting, then sat down on a park bench to catch my breath. Sitting there I let go of some gas loudly(I farted).

" Do you have to " came a voice from what I thought was behind me. I turned around to find no one anywhere.

" Of all the farts iv'e sat through thats one of the worst " the voice came again. Thats when I realized the voice was comeing from the park bench. I looked it over and found lines in the shape of a face.

" yeah I can talk " the chair said.

" Um i'm sorry but I didn't know park benchs could talk"

" they can't " said the park bench.

" but your talking what the hell are you " I said , but this time there was no reply. I sat back down feeling quite crazy.

" Are you alright , you look distreased" said an old lady standing in front of me.

" I don't know " I said and told her what had happend.

" Oh dear thats no good " said the old lady who looked like a qeen with a really ornate expensive dress, her hair was golden yellow. The only thing that wasn't nice was her face ,  it was wrinkled and sagged and she had black facial hair.

" Ive got just the solution " the lady said pulling out a purfume bottle out of her bag. She sprayd her self a few times then looked at me. The smell was intoxicateing. The smell seemed familer and seemed to bring back memorys, what of I don't know. I found my self in a trance. She came closer to me and leaned down to kiss me. It wasn't till her tounge touched my lips that I snapped out of it pushed away and ran away. I came to a building with music playing inside. I went in and there was a celebration of some sort. There were people danceing and drinking in a large hall. I decided that getting pissed was my only option so I headed toward the bar. As I walked through the danceing some hands grabed mind and started danceing. I decided to go along and dance with her. She started to dance around in a circle and we spun around. The spining intensified. I had lost control of my body and spun and spun, as if in a washing machine. The speed increasd and everything became a blur. I awoke in my bedroom in a sweat holding a silver mettalic cube, the cube I found the day before. Throwing it down I lay back down and slept.

--------------------------

Sitting on a warm rock by the river in the sun , the air roastingly warm. Cool wind blowing on ocasion like a hand caresing my skin. I was eating my favorite candie. My son came up to me and told me he had found the apartment he wanted he then turned into a candle and became candle-man.

--------------------------

Walking along the street I found a strange marking in the shape of a star on the ground. I walked on as I steped on it I was transported to a hot red anoying place there tvs everywhere on spires in the walls they all played the most anoying voices of ads and telemarket tv. There where demons everwhere. The crocidile hunter came up to me with a camra crew , the crockadile hunter then said " get aload of this ". Darren hinch apeared and started belting out all sorts of crap " sham shame shame , are you australias lowest man " he said. A huge hand with a red stamp stamped me with shame. A horn was blown and fists started comeing from nowhere and hit me, nipple cripple , eye pokes , slaps. I ran back the way I came found the exit and left.

--------------------------

News:

 

A man weilding a frozen chicken has just attempted to hold up a bank. Pointing the frozen chicken at the teller the man demanded money. The teller imediatly pressed the shutter button shuting out the fowle villian. The robber left the bank to police postioned around the bank, in an insane rage the man attacked officers with the chicken only to have the crap beaten out of him and arrested. " your goose is cooked " police said. All the robber could say for hours after was " I'm not a chicken ".

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She hid on her grandmas light house island she couldn't stand school where she was held and punched cause she was mouthy , but really she was just mentally older than most and they couldn't handle the trueth.

" But I did sleep around with them oops. I do know it was wrong but it was just one of those crazy things that happen but it was good". Said trisha as she sat in her room at grandmas. The house was built around a light house.

" It was a stormy night and rain sweeps in diferent places it comes and slows like the beach. I lay for hours trying to forget my other life and begin another"." I begin another book: The charlse dickens collection of short storys. Hours later I lay thinking of one of the storys about a chair in a room who was really an old man , who tells the main character whats to come the next day then turns back into a chair"." I decide to go on the net there's an online game a friend of mine is on. I log on and look around a bit she's nowhere. So I sit and level up and listen to the radio for hours. The sun starts to rise. I go and sit in the lounge grandma ma was asleep on a chair. She had a green dress on wich made her look like a foot stool. I love lucy was on the tv and the fakeness of it amused me. Anticepatating my return to the online game to use the character id worked on all night. Oh but I hadn't slept oh well not like I can. So I log on and leave the beginers island you start on.

--------------------------

" At this rate you'll never finish college " said Josh's father as he threw away another toy that josh had borrowd from a friend. A fly came to Josh's window and landed on the glass, the glass the shatterd into a thousand peices. Josh and his father stood there amazed as the fly landed on a poster of a spider it too shatterd into a thousand peices. The fly sat on the wall for a bit then flew at my dad. I picked up my baseball bat and swung at the fly , as soon as the bat hit the fly it disintegrated. The fly then landed on the ground and morphed into micheal jackson. Who then started to float in mid air then spun around in mid air and exploded into millions of stars that showerd the room. My dad looked at me and said " im sorry Josh I kinda knew those strange things you play with would help you "." Im quite impressed im sure the teacher will give you an A " he said then left the room.

--------------------------

It was a mighty day alright the sun was out the birds chirped, the clouds seemed a  movie of the imagination. A man played saxaphone wildly and typed imposibly at the same time with his face , he called himself The writeing saxman. The computer transformed into a man shaped robot then exploded sparks and plastic flying about the mall.

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The beutifull labradore dog went and licked a horrid lump of wet shit, licking slurping growleing howleing running from a man with a cain who is a hermet in a house that reeks of old fish and chips because under his house he frys people with fish and chips and plays heavy metal games by bashing heads with metal and eating TNT with a train and bugs bunny stew with fog horn leg hamburgers but not without the mountain that looks for sleep but only finds bits of sheep shit.

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I was driveing my car when I see a comtion on the side of the road. It was two girls chaseing  a fuzzy red/purple creature they caught him and really gave it to him. I stoped and got out of the car the girls ran away I went over to the creature, it was telly of seaseme street.

" oh those girls" telly said in that weird voice of his.

" who where they " I said

" Punky brusta and pippy longstocking , they just started hitting me as soon as they saw me "

" thats wierd " I said

" Yeah I know " Telly said sadly.

--------------------------

The goat went to the moat

and found the note by

Lord Bellsy

it says ' you will die now '

Lord Bellsy lands next to goat

the goat bahs

Lord Bellsy laughs

the moat growles with crocidile

Lord Bellsy is dragged for a mile

ripped and eaten the danger no

more the goat eats green grass some more

the castle laughs once more

at Lord Bellys last antic the

stupid lord

--------------------------

I had blown all my money, I hadn't even enough to get a taxi home. So now I walked home feeling like every step I would pass out but I didn't. The alchohole surged through my head the further I walked the drunker I got. The haze of drunkeness took over and I fell to the ground. Still consious I crawled on.

" are you alright " came a voice. I turned my head to see a man in a car window. " Just a bit pissed " I said.

" Jump in i'll give you a lift " he said and so I did. I don't remember the ride back home or going to sleep. I awoke with a huge hangover that felt like the worst sickness known to man. I had bearly the strength to get out of bed. I stamerd into the kitchen where mom was makeing rabbit stew.

" Here this will brink back some energy , mental as well as physical " mom said handing me a cup of earl grey.

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An eel swam around in happyness until it decided to swim into a mysterious metal doorway. The trap snaped shut with bubbles and the eel was caught it spent a long time in the trap, it thought it self finished after hours of struggle. Indiana jhones of the eel world then showed up branding whip and wearing a small cowboy hat then freed the eel.

--------------------------

Tending to my blood nose in the bathroom I hear a noise in the back yard. I look out to descover a rake with eyes and a mouth rakeing leaves by it's own will. What magic is this , colours then flood my eyes all sorts of weird scenes flash before my eyes and don't stop.

--------------------------

I was walking back from the pub intoxicated , when from a dark alley came a panther walking slowly towards me and growleing louder as it came closer. A car suddenly pulled up, a voice came from the car; " calm down percie".

Knight rider jumps out of the car holding a coller and puts it on the panther.

" Sorry about that " He says the puts percie in the car and drives of with a screech.

--------------------------

Standing amongst the crowd watching a break dance compition. Rod came up and handed me a drink. I sculled it back intently. A few minutes passed when I found my self feeling a bit offa. A strange sensation ran down my back like a cold shiver. The shiver started getting stronger and was makeing my whole body jerk. I lost control and started convulsing and fell to the ground haveing a fit. The crowed cheered on , because of the violentness of the convulsions it looked as tho I was trying to breakdance , break-neck more like it. Eventuly when someone notice the blood splattering out of my head they helped me.

--------------------------

Sitting watching crap tv trying to find some scerick of entertainment in it. I smoke another ciggerette. I start to cough fart and sneeze all at once. But instead of stopping satisfied It kept on going sneezing farting coughing , I fall to the floor and explode.

--------------------------

I awake and spring my head up and i'm shot into the blue sky as though gravity was real weak. In the sky I float back down through the clouds half expecting to find them solid. Floating slowly towards the fields far below wind tingleing my senses. I float down slowly , my speed then increases wind starts to howle I feel the force of speed. The ground starts to come closer. I watch the ground below come closer and quite close now I close my eyes but impact doesn't come. I open my eyes and find myself suspended in mid air a few feet from the ground. Like a rag dole i'm suddenly flying through the air skiping over the ground like a cruise missile ( Like in the old superman movie where it shows a cruise missile view). I then start whizzing around the air like some kind of crazy amusement ride.

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I was working hard on the farm and sun bore down on me. Sweat driped the heat built in me, I stoped and had a drink of water from the pump and sat in the shade of a willow tree, the wind swept through the corn giveing the effect of waves in the field under a heavenly  sky with clouds like giant white gental creatures  floating through the sky changing shape as it goe's. Cooled and refreshed I stand up to return to work, when from the fields comes a white siamese cat that smelled of lard the smell was intense and it increased chokeing me. I open my eyes and see stars I had passed out. I stand up and i'm  hit by the smell again. I look down and find where the cat was there was a pile of lard in the shap of a cat.

--------------------------

Kettle of fish being poured into the cats mouth by sneaker wearing punkboy who likes to jump into lakes and masturbate.

--------------------------

I went to the local park to play basket ball. It was a large park with large trees,  green grass , the court was a half court with a netless basket. Shooting away happly I heard a sound likd a frog. It was a frog , behind the frog was a wave of molten lava that burned anything at the touch. The lava poured through the park , trees burning people running inclueding my self. I stoped on a brick fence and watched in amazement as a pirate surfing on lava proof surfboard throwing salty treats at any body he saw. The treats must have been poison as anyone who ate them died almost instantly. The pirate surfed past me , looking around me his rotted teeth showing as he threw me a treat. Something came over me I almost went to eat it but fighting the spell I threw the packet into the lava. The lava poured down the road and went around a corner as though under control by the pirate.

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A white dove flew into the water and drowned. Some rope came to life that lay rotting on the ocean floor coverd in sea scum. It swam to the surface the scum washing free. It swam to the beach and onto the beach like a snake. A ladder then apeared walking on it's ladder legs. There third eyes met and they fell in love. The rope wraped it's self through the ladder. The ladder danced around gayly and they spent eternity in a loveing embrace.

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The moldy old maid was mangled in a mulbury bush , meeting all manor of mamul and bug. Talking to them like they where her only friend. She had been there for months , she had fell out of the window above and landed with such force that her face was badly disfigured and she lost her voice , her voice box had been badly injured.

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Cooking a batch of mushroom soup I heard a thumping sound on the floor and there standing before me was my bed. The bed had a face the pillows where the eyes would be and the blanket in a mouth shape. It then spoke in a strange voice that seemed hypnotic " come to me " it said. It's mouth of blankets moveing like an animation as it spoke. The bed then groaned as a huge feather burst through where it's stomic would have been then retreated.

" Sweet dreams hoo hoo! " came a voic and the bed fell to the floor. Standing behind the now lifeless bed stood Captain feather sword from the wiggles.

" Hoo hoo ! ive saved you " Captain feather sword said. " Do you want to go on my ship " he said , and before I had time to answer we where teleported to his ship , where he started to sing a song. I dived overboard and was suddenly back on the ship. I dived off again and was teleported again aboard the ship. I waited till the captain stoped singing the asked where we where going.

" The land of bounceing where "

" Let me geuss everthing bounces "

" thats right hoo hoo ha hooo! "

Hours later after the captain forcefully showed me the island I was teleported back to the real world.

--------------------------

I took of my shoes and sat by the heat giveing fire. I went to the pot to have some dinner but found it empty. I looked up at the rest of the crew  , they where obviously sattesfied and one of them looked at me and smiled.

" You cunts you didn't leave me any " I said. The one smileing stood up and came over to me and spoke " I ate you share on purpose and it was lovely , you wanna make something off it ".

" yeah I do " I said and pushed him he pushed me back.

" you wanna feel the power huh the power! " he screamed. We where both startled by a noise a rumbleing noise comeing from up the snowy mountain.

--------------------------

The whole house spoke that hang overd morning the carpet scuffed the taps sqeeled. A Harvey Norman ad pounded into my brain like hammers each loud bass beat was a hammer. I took a sip of my whine glass and watched a tape then put it in the vcr and pressed play.

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I was takeing out the rubish one day when a plant in someones garden started makeing strange movements. It's branchs like arms one bent and resting where it's hip would be the other motioning for me to come to it. Truely intriged by the sight I walked closer to it and descoverd the whole thing a trick by some kids hidden in some bushes. They had an elaborate set of wires and measuring tape giveing the illusion of a plant man. " Good one guys " I said and went back to my house. As I walked across the road I found everything started growing , the road the trees the houses all started to grow , or I started to shrink , I couldn't tell. I shrunk down until the little rocks in the tar on the road where bigger than me.  I saw the tyer of a car comeing towards me it made a strange sound like a boat cross between the sound of a plane in slow motion. The car going quite slow rolled over me. The rubber of the tyer makeing a sqeeking sound on the road. Everything moved slower and sounded deeper , and things that I wouln't have heard before I could hear now. Like a small leaf tilting on it's curved shape from a miniture breeze. I heard the sound of something comeing closer to me. It sounded like a horse walking only more sharp and plastic sounding. Not likeing the sound I ran over to the gutter and began to try and climb the gutter. I manage to climb some of the gutter then I heard the clicking sound. I turned around and found an ant. The ant was much larger than me and started climbing after me. I kept climbing the clicking sound behind me gaining on me. My foot sliped and I fell to the bottom of the gutter , I landed on my back pain shooting through my whole body. I stood up aware the ant was walking down towards me and turned to run into the road. But I was hit by a great surge of water. I got stuck in the waters skin and floated down the gutter away from the ant. Rideing down the gutter in the waters skin , I knew I had to get out of the water so I pushed my way through the skin into the water and swam to the edge and stabed my hand through the waters skin. I had my head out was nearly out when I saw I had come to the drain. I was just about to fall through the grate  when I started to grow big. My leg was half way through the grate when I grew big and my foot got caught in the grate and got severd by me growing big. I fell onto the road in pain , A cars tyers screeched stoping before me. My foot that got severd then flew out of the sewer and started hitting me in the head. I fought the foot off and the man in the car helped me into the car and drove me to the hospital. My leg was sewn up and I soon got a prosthetic leg. Sometimes I'd be watching the news and see the story about the flying foot reaking havoc.

--------------------------

I was sitting at home watching a video when I heard the hall door sqeek.

" who's there " I said. Then got up as I stood up I saw a flash of an evil face that nearly knocked me down. I went and checked the door then looked around the rest of the house and found nothing. Acertaining that it was nothing I went back to the lounge. My head was directed at the mirror and I saw a rotten corpse. A bit startled I moved closer and was shocked to find it a reflection of my self only rotted. I started to feel sick then a couple blinks later it disapeard and my normal reflection was returned. I was now feeling quite unstable and decided to visit a friend. I gatherd my things and walked toward the front door when I was stoped by something. I found my self looking at a wall , there was a little pool of something as though the wall was water. The wall was creamy ligh yellow. I moved my head closer to see what it was then a head burst out like a scene in freddy cruger , I fell back to the ground. The head was the colour of the wall as though it where the face of the wall. I got up and ran to the door didn't even bother to shut it  then drove away.

--------------------------

I took a bat from my bag and struck the coconut with the bat cracking the coconut open. My hunger was partialy filled and I walked on up the beach. It was getting darker and the wind howled. The trees screamed as though on fire by an invisible coldness.

--------------------------

Walking about the insides of an underwater shipwreak when a lustfull ghost apeared in search of some lust. The ghosts body was that of a beautiful girl but it's face was a horrid skeleton with teeth chattering.

--------------------------

A computer shot lasers out into the crowded room then a bucket apeared in the middle of the room filled with seeds. A real ripe peice of fruit then came out of the cieling and was eaten in seconds , seconds later the people who ate fell over ill then started vomiting. The vomit filled the room and they where all drowned save those who stood on the heads and shoulders of the others.

--------------------------

Some villagers started rooting on the island until suddenly the island started to float into the air , dirt and roots fell from the bottom of it until there remained only a dirt hole where the island was. The islanders didn't even know what was happening until they heard the sound from above. An alien space ship had beamed them up into it's self.

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The people walking past doing there thing gang !

 

Three people walked into a richs man house and pointed guns at him and took him up stairs.

" Ok wheres the money " One of the gunman says right before someone walks in the door. All the gun men hide there guns. In walks a cheff carying a pot of boiling water screaming " The stew ! the stew ! ". The cheff the nslips on a toy that was left by one of the little kids, and the hot stew is then thrown at one of the gunmen. The gunman screams and grabs at his eyes. Then anoying little boy walks in and starts screaming for his mom waving a light sabre. The kid then looks at the leader of the gunmen and says ;"Where's my mumy " pointing his sword at him. " come here " the gunman says and trys to grab the kid. But the kid punches the gunman in the nuts with supriseing strength. All the gunmen get droped and rich man re-enters the party.

--------------------------

An open barren wind swept alien land

shades of orange and yellow sky

black rocky earth with strange building formations

a stars light spread along the ground to infinity to make a

bright smooth surface that is the ground

--------------------------

I ride my horse down the road till from ahead there comes floating towards us, a haunted house. My horse becomes crazed and flings my body into the air and gallops away. I decide in haste to burry my body in the earth , and so I do. The house is white with black roof and grey roof tiles. The sight of it was really something as it floated past me. Ghosts howled inside as though it where a terrible place.

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I was watching my pet peacocks pranceing on the lawn when from over the fence came cocks flaping and cockadoodleing over the fence and started attacking my peacocks.

" Come on slowcoach " said a huge sad looking slug, that slitherd through my yard and started attacking the cocks scareing some of them off then left whistleing. But the peacocks where outnumberd by a few that still remained. A jackolantern fell from the sky and landed on the grass and a dead zombie crawled from the pumkin. He was 2 feet tall and a cock pecked at it killing it.

--------------------------

I awake in bed inside a room that looks that of a small cottege with only one room. There is a fire-place/stove and a round wooden table in the middle of the room.I leave the house. There are strange trees all around the only way is a small path that leads to an old road. I walk down the road looking at the strange trees there tall brown with a small bit of green on the top. The trees are like nothing ive seen the way there all bunched together so close you can't see the ground around them. I continue down the path and come to holes in the ground there are prickles on the side of the road preventing me from going around the holes. The holes are sqaure about 1 metre long short enough to jump across so i do. I jump one of them and hear a strange noise. I turn around to see a skeleton comeing out of the hole. T start of jumping the other holes. More skeletons come out of the holes in front but i get past them. I come to a stream on the road , the stream is very small with pebbles all through it. Bugs bunny is there in the water

" whats up dock " he says than chews his carrot. I keep walking then

 pepe le pew then hops past with the flute sound ringing each time he jumps. I watch as he jumps toward the trees at the side of the road , he then jumps straight into the trunk of one the trees then disapears into it. I keep walking a few hours pass when i come across a skate board sitting in the middle of the road. I pick it up and continue until i find the dirt road ends and a new modern tar road starts. Knowing how to use a skate-board i get on and roll on down the road. I feel something apppear on my head and find it's a helmet like that of an american foot-baller with the little cage over the mouth. Still skateing down the slight slpes of the road. I suddenly see flames appear onto the road ahead i react and do an ollie and jump the flames. I then try then to put my feet down but find them stuck to the skateboard. T notice something on the road it's a snake i jump that too. Then i see some rocks on the middle of the road I brace my self to jump but I don't make it , the board hits the rocks and I fall forwards and do an army roll onto my feet. I then realize the skateboard and helmet had vanished with out a trace in the fall. Walking past the rocks I come to a cliff and a most percuiler sight , clouds moving up and down like platforms in a computer game. I decide what the hey and jump on the clouds, jumping from ont to the otheruntil I come to another cliff edge witch I jump onto. I come across a paper cut out of an angle floating in mid-air. I go to touch the angle but it disapears then five more paper cut out angles appear floating around me. I walk on and come across red things flying through the sky. I walk closer to them and they start to swoop down at me then I reconise them as crabs. Red flying crabs swooping at me. I duck them but they start to swoop lower then start to hit me. I expect to feel impact but don't instead the crabs just disapear upon comeing close to me. I notice the angels that where floating around me fade away then when they where gone i was knocked over by a crab. I started to get hit from all directions like huge rocks the crabs hit me. Hudleing I try to run but fall. I then notice an angle floating in front of me. I reach out and touch it and imedietly notice the feeling of the crabs hitting me had stoped. The angle must five a temporary invinsibility. I start to run away from the crabs then come to a ravine thats about 10 metres wide. There is a springboard kind of like what they use in gymnastics only with more spring. I climb a rock and jump onto it. It springs down then shoots me up into the air and i land with pain directly where i jumped from. I hear a noise and turn around to descover the flying crabs comeing towards me. Knowing the angle will wear off soon i had to try again. I climbed the rock and this time with more angle in my jump i shot off over the ravine. I then ran over a hill and found a cave wich i hide in from the crabs to success. Walking in to the cave a bit I see a light and find a torch wich leads to a large long hallway. I walk down it a bit and find a sack filled with hammers picking them up i walk up a bit further down the yellow hall thats coverd in vines. Bats burst out of nowhere. And start attacking me. I run and start throwing hammers at them and kill a few of them. I run up the hall from the bats and find another skateboard on the edge of a steep passage with turns and holes. I turn around and see twice as many bats as before flying towards me in swarms. I jump on the skateboard and skate down the hall at the end of wich there is a jump. I go over it and land in front of a huge fluro green gremlin with one eye , wich I throw my hammer at. Wich nocks him back, I throw a couple more into the eye of the beast and it disapears and reapears blinking on and off like the angles. There is another hall with a door at the end , there is a skeleton with a sword laying next to a note , the note reads: do not open the door the horrors are beyond anything anyone could bear. I open the door and im outside in a medow with flowers. Im suddenly surounded by four strange creatures each a different color red,purple,yellow and blue. They talk in a strange high pitch tongue. I hear a baby chuckle and I look up and descover the sun has a babys face in it looking at me with intrest.

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Hydro plish man

attacking the crim

but it's a bird he stabs

with hydro bush wakka blaster

and the bird is red plasterd

the ground eats the scrapeings

scoffing the taste down like

little scamy man who likes ham

 

little scamy man sniffs his plan

running falling hitting head

jumping through the king bed

get the stash and drill the hash

little scamy rat cheese licker

little dickhead cheese crusted

pie yum alome a bone he moans

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Burp and burp up warm spew

that burns your throat

swolling quik now need a drink

people see your mad rush without a clue

that you just had a burp-spew

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I was walking down the street to go to the shop when I heard a cat screeching. I looked toward the cat and found a chinese man dressed in a kung fu out fit screaming whilst he kicked and punched cats that swarmed in from every direction. There where hundreds of them, but he fought with strength and speed cats falling to the ground around his feet pileing up. There was a roar from over a fence and a lion jumped over , then backed away. Then there was an enormous sound a jet landed on the lawn and from it jumped Roger Ramshit who took a pill and with a pow a bam and a thump he whipped everbodys all leaveing no one standing  then left in his jet. A bolt of lightning then struck Roger Ramshit's jet , crashing it killing Roger. A huge head and hands then came from the sky and said " thats enough of this madness" then I woke up.

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A meteor enters the earths atmosfear crashing into the city. A wave of fire and peices of city storm toward you. Climbing into a safe that has a time release. Inside the safe you feel huge vibrations.

Sitting in the safe hours later the time release times up.

You open the door but it doesn't open.

The unforeseen circumstance of thousands of kilos of cement and steel on the safe.

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Rotted man with a rotted hand that he cooks in a fryingpan then eats up messly then starts being silly and loses his arms , runs around falling on the ground and falls asleep. Then awakes and leaps no arms like a frog , he then sleeps and swarms of cops fired down upon him.

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Beating drum the drum beats back knocking me onto the floor. I get up and decide not to think about it but remember and have some cones. I put the bong to my lips and sudenly feel something on my head it's someones mouth. I can't struggle just get smoke through.I awake in a sweat, just a dream i reasure, it's 3:01 and i decide to make a choice and have a shower.The bathroom had an earthy smell and there where plants growing through the floor. " i'll have you " a voice from the shower said. I opened the glass door and look inside and i find nothing. I start thinking of the movie phyco and knifes in the back. " im gonna have you" thee voice roared in front of me.I decide not to have a shower and leave. " im gonna have youuuu !!!" the voice roars again and theres a strange sound, I turn around and find the shower head flying towards me.I duck but get hit in the head. I awake on a prarie in a daisy field , with children running and playing chaseys. wind blows cool sometimes warm air then roasting the skin on my hands. I sleep as i hadn't for days and awake at the cinema watching a movie called little house on the prarie.I leave the cinema and step into carl's car but instead of carl it's a crazy looking old man who says " where do you want it "

" i dont know what you mean " i say to a docter wakeing from another dream.

" The arm " i say. There's no pain till i walk out of the hospital.I get into a taxi and tell the driver directions. The driver turns around and it's freddy cruger out of nightmare on elm street. " so your not haunting dreams any more " i say.

" Wadya mean your going to hell haa haaaa !!" freddy says and starts the car and drives. He pulls up to a house and stops the car in the driveway. And tells me to get out. I get out and find my self traped by an invisible wall as i try to leave the driveway.The  taxi rolls off with freddys dry laugh. Suddenly little anoying violent boys come from nowhereand kick and punch me and throw things quit maraculusly like couchs and fridge's. I run and climb onto the roof and kick anything that climbs up. There's a loud crash and a huge montrus creature with a female set of legs grabs me and licks with a huge snake like tongue. I escape her only to come before another one , they start materilizeing everywhere filling the invisble walls around the house. I am sqaushed and start to suffacate and passout.And awake on a kitchen floor with black and white checkerd floor. I sit up and i am hit my a headache and monstrous stomic ache i feel dizzy and fall over. It was as if id been drinking all the night before. laying there. I hear the sound of little footsteps hundreds of them. The anoying little boys!. It happens all again, for years i battle the horny beasts and anoying little boys. Then one day i stop herting them and hateing them and i awake in my bed at home.

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cigey man coughing up snot

yellow teeth and toxic breath

pussing and coughing throte burning

coughing up a chunk of lung

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Working with a computer to resovle an issue with a plastic bag , the computer was angry cause the plastic bat was free to make noise. But the plastic bag argued that the computer would live a long life of much knowlage and use , they argued for hours. I tryed to settle it but it was as though they liked the arguements. An airoplane suddenly showed up and trashed the place. A little washer crawled from the mess and fell over half torn and slept.

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The pallet was bright pinks yellows and white the trees had white blossoms and black and crumbling trunks. At this rate i'd never reach the sahara desert to play cricket and pay for the giant camel I ride on , that came from a cataloug I sent away for.

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I pick up the romote control to the tv and turn it on theres a show about the state of the planets enviroment and how it can be helped. I hadn't slept in a long time and thought it a good idea to get some sleep. I switched the tv off and went to bed. I awoke sitting in a cloud it was so comfortable and cosy that I fell asleep and awoke again in my bed. Feeling the sleep overcome I go back to sleep , and awake in the cosy cloud. This time i'm aware that i'm dreaming and decide to just sit and wait for morning. And then I start thinking if this is a dream then I should be able to do what ever I want. I concentrate and just as I thought three beautifull girls apear. After a while with the horny girls I decide to reek some havoc , I think hard and suddenly I have some guns. I shoot things for fun , then  I see if I can fly wich I can. I think on the most lushes food and bam! I have it. I eat hartily then apraoch my lushes ladies, then not by my will a door apears in front of me , somebody knocks on the door so I go to answer , I awake in my bedroom theres a knocking at the door and I go to see who it is but am too late. I run out to the street , no one except a car at the end of the street going around the corner. I go back to sleep.

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A man became enstranged when he found a dingo saying " hey jimbo get me a radio "

" ah yeah I can if youve got money " the man said in a trance by the sight.

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Bolts through my neck a zombie curse filling me my eyes filling with blood I explode as though possesd my head on the floor my body in pieces of flesh and blood driping down a wall is the last thing I watch before I awake in a lab. There are wires hooked up to a metal body a robot I guessed , I was a human head on a robot. There wher scientists in the backround on metal walk ways walking past in a hurry. One of them stoped and looked at me. Then said hello the others where alerted and they explained I had been chosen to be a pilot well sorta of brain thing on the robot. I acepted this and now was on a mission . I walked along well willed the big robot to move along toward the target where aliens landed in a metal cube shaped ship. An alien steped out of the ship then pointed something at me and shot some strange green beam at me. Then as if by magic I was human again.

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The cow made observations and was depressed at it's situation and made a ruckess kicking fences running around the field aimlessly. A slave boy named Willy was given the day off and was skipping rocks on the water at the river, below the willows. The crazed cow noticed the noise and went down closer intriged by what the slave boy was doing. The boy turned his head and there eyes met , the cow was startled but not affraid. The boy went back to throwing the rocks. The cow took a few steps closer , the boy turned his head back around and considerd the cow for a moment.

" Hey fella you sick of your crowd to hey " the boy said. The cow understood that the boy understood what he felt and moved closer and stood beside the boy.

" So you want me to ride you hey" the boy said. The cow gave a moo! and the boy climbed on. The cow started to trott.

" ye har " the boy said with smiles and laughter , then put his arms around the cows neck for a better grip. The cow began to gallop up and down the green hills. After a while they stoped and sat in the warm bright sun , the boy lay down and looked at the clouds as the cow looked at the boy and ate grass. A cool wind blew now and then takeing the suns warmth only to fade and return it. The boy lay dreaming of things. He dreamed of running away and finding a circus to join , he would train hard and do death defying stunts , the cheers and the flowers would be thrown. Or maybe he would follow the river and find a farmer whome he would befriend then work for , and the farmer would have many beutifull daughters whome he would enjoy. He then fell into the dream and slept. He was awoken by something pushing his side , it was the cow eager to play more.

--------------------------

I lay the last roach motel and returned to my room to study. To my suprise when I opened my door my room wasn't there , only space. I mean space with stars and planets like a mini solor system in my room. I noticed something flying around the room it was long and snake like apon closer inspection I found it to be a little dragon. It was like a cloud of black with twinkleing stars an illusion of course , a grand one that I was going to find the source of wich I did. It was a small black pendant , when I touched the pendant the illusion stoped and I picked it up. It had writeing on it that looked chinese.

--------------------------

I sat under a tree that wilted , I felt my face to descover a tear comeing out of it what horror it was to find the tear was acid that burned my face. Every tear I wept for my love melted my face some more. It didn't make any sense that acid could be comeing from my tear ducts but anyway.

--------------------------

The clown sticks it's head amazeingly up it's own arse , the sticks it further and further until it disapears into nothing.

--------------------------

Washing the dishers sqeeze of dish liquid, a sqeeze of red. The bubbles fill to my head bubbleing sulpher smells burning my face flashes and sparks the bubbles grow. The bubbles pour out the house is filled I swim to the door and open it the liquid swells out the bubbles fly of I sit and think on the events. I tell friends and write it down the next day it rains water droplets and bubbles they snow down like snow flakes.

--------------------------

My flow was stoped by an incredible pain that shot through my head and my body droped to the ground. I rotted and decomposed and was rebourn as a willow-tree that is what I am today. A great tree that spends it's days being shat on by birds and being harrasd by the wind. At night i'm the place to be, with visits from owls sweet honeys and the sandman who is slow as can be as he moves to his next bedroom for fun and suposed tea.

--------------------------

Hey there just thoughts in your mind , oh no there thoughts in your mind thats in my mind.

--------------------------

Spazzy spook man

he spooks his foes

then burns their cloths and

toecuffs thir toes

leaves them for the wild hoes

--------------------------

The adventures of the dodgy repair man:

 

Dodgy walks in the door of his first job. A toaster is to be repaired. After half an hour with it dodgy walks back to the house and shows them that it works. Dodgy leaves and the owner of the toaster put some toast in to cook then turns the level up a bit higher. Then pushes the leaver down to start it , the house explodes.

 

Next on the shcedual is a small electric heater. After a few hours with the heater dodgy comes out and shows the owners of the heater their heater wich now has a huge box stuck to the side of it. Dodgy tells them he inproved the heater a little takes his money then leaves. They plug the heater in and turn on the leaver wich looks like something a mad scientist would use on one of his machines. They are warmed by a huge gush of warm air and are pleased. After a few minutes though the heater starts making a strange noise like a large machine starting up then heat pours out of it like the shock waves of a atomic explosion. knocking everybody in the house out from heat exustion then setting the house of fire.

 

Next is a washing machine. After the repairs are done and dodgy has left the owner puts a load in to wash. An hour later the machine starts to shake violently and the owner goe's to reposition the clothes. The machine then starts to jump unusely high then jumps right through the roof then bounces away.

--------------------------

rolling we'll, rolling hell why doe's hell roll so we'll.

--------------------------

I was driveing to work in my brown ford wagon when i relized i was wasted still wasted from the party last night. I pulled up to a take away shop stoped the car then felt a burning pain on my head , i brushed at my head and a lit smoke dropped from my ear. I picked up the smoke took a few drags then butted it out. I felt like I was in the middle of a circus standing in the middle of the take away shop. It was so bright and colorfull and everybody seemed to move so quik and talk really loudly. I bought a peice of flake , chips with sauce and a bottle of water , then walked out and sat on the fence of someones house. I sat there drinking the water waiting for the food to cool. After eating I drove into the multi-story car park I uselly park at, there wern't any parks till the top floor. As I drove up I thought to my self how these car-parks are like The Matrix for cars. I parked the car got out and walked toward the elevator admireing the view of buildings and hills around the city on the way. I pressed the button for the elevator to come up then watched the lights that show the level the elevator is on , Then something strange happened the light read level 7 then jumped straight up to level 20 where I was as if it just teleported from level 7 to here. The doors opened I steped in and pressed G . The walls of the elevator where shiney steel and it made it's usual ticking noises as it went down. I was at level 10 and it haddn't stoped. Thats when the elevator started to pick up speed , I freaked out and went to press the stop button but I couldn't because I was suddenly falling. I mean the elevator was falling and it made me feel like I was floating in the elevator. But I knew what was really happening I looked at the lights that showed the floors it was droping real quik it read 7 , 6, 5 , 4, 3, 2 I braced my self for the impact but it there was nothing , I looked at the lights and it had stoped on level 1 . I still felt like I was falling , gravity pushing againts me still. Then the elevator doors opened up and to my utter amazement the ground was still. The elevator and the ground where still but I kept falling , we'll I felt like I was anyway. I felt sick and dizzy at what I was seeing. I started to panic and pushed my self out of the elevator i floated out the door into level 1. There where cars parked here and there but no people in sight anywhere. I looked out onto the street and saw the people where all frozen as if time had stoped outside the carpark. The falling feeling started to die until I was just floating there with no feeling of movement. I then shot upwards into the cieling and everything was turned upside down. I was now standing on the roof of the carpark as if gravity had been reversed. I stood there trying not to lose control and screem. I fell again and found my self on the floor the right way up now. I was startled by the sound of about 20 cars starting simultaniesly. I looked at a car and found there was no driver I looked over all of them and saw that none of the cars had drivers. The cars then started to move all of them turning to face me they started to rev there engines. I knew what was going to happen and started to run , they all at once started to drive after me, the sound of 20 car tyres screeching hert my ears. I ran up to the next level up , the cars all tried to follow but many of them crashed into each other. On the next level the cars I ran past all started there engines as if they where animals that I had awoken. I ran straight for the stairwell the cars gaining on me fast I made it to the door of the stairs and opend the door, A car crashed into the door, the shock of the noise and shraknel of the impact kocked me over. I stood up and looked out the door , all the cars apeard to have stoped. I curled up into a ball and tryd to wake my self sure this had to be a nightmare and I was asleep at home in bed, but I didn't wake up. After a couple of moments I got up and walked down the stairs trying not to entertain the idea that this could be real. I walked down a level to

level G , But the door to get out of the stairwell wouldn't open. I walked over to the center of the stairwell and looked over the rail, I expected to see basement level where the stairwell would end, but to my suprise it seemed to wind on forever as if there was no end. I looked   up   and  could make out the top of the stairwell 19 floors up. I went over and tryd the door again but but it was locked, I then started to kick throw my self at the door to no avail. So i walked down the stairs. The next level down was -1 I tried the door but it would budge. I kept walking down to -2 -3 and so on , i was in a trance after a while just going down a level check the door over and over it was all I could do , I stoped a couple of times and cried screem and bashed the door but then kept going. This can't be real I thought surely it just a bad trip from something someone sliped in my drink. So I sat down to wait for this horror trip to end. But it seemed far to real , the feeling and the sound of the wind , The building site smell of the stairwell. I couldn't sit there and do nothing it made everything all to real and more horrorific , so I kept on going down. For hours I walked my legs ached and I stoped and considerd going back up , but I was at level -59 and there would probably be no way out going up anyway. So I kept walking , I was then stoped by a wall where the stairs usuely keep going. The wall had a door wich I tryed. It opened and there were another set of stairs that led down to another door. I walked down to the door and opened it. Inside was a room filled with carboard boxes , looking in them i found anciennt pots and masks and things that looked like that wich indians would use. I looked through some more boxes then was startled as I found human bones. I checked the other boxes and found about 12 or so sets of human bones. There was a sound like a door slaming into a cement wall , and I ran out and looked up the stairs and found that the door that leads to the carpark was open. I ran up to it and steped out. It was the ground level , I could see the city streets out the sides of the carpark. there the sound of a heap of cars starting there engines at once and I responded instantly and ran toward a railing. There was a path on the other side of the rail that led out of the car park , I climbed over and started to head towards the city street and there was strange sound. I looked toward the sound and saw vines growing like tenticals out of the walls of the carpark. I ran toward the exit and a vine shot out after me. As soon as I steped out from the carpark I was startled by people in space suites. I turned around and saw that the carpark was being over grown by the vines , I looked out onto the street and found there where trucks and tents everywhere and men and biohazard suites where comeing towards me. Wich strangely I never saw in the carpark but they where there now as if the car park is in another time.

" It's all right where not going to hert you , just follow us " one of the biohazard suites said.

I followed them to a tent , they took readings of me then made be shower and srub my self. I was then brought a tent by two men in black suites.

" whats going on here " I asked them.

" actuly I was wondering if you could tell us that" said one of the men who was smokeing a cigarette.

" the carpark you came out of has had some strange force field over it for the last 7 hours " said the other man who wasn't smokeing.

" your the only person we've seen come out so far " said the smoking man as he took a long hard draw on the ciggarette.

" so what happed while you where in there" said the other.

I told them all about what happened in the carpark , then after getting my details they said I could leave. Then the man whome wasn't smokeing handed me a card and told me to call if I thought of anything else. That night after a night drinking at a freinds place I sat at my place unable to sleep due to a dream I kept having. In the dream I would be standing in the room with indian bones , when what looked like cement would start to fill the room and I couln't get out of the room. Then just before the cement would cover my face I would wake up. I sat there smoking a ciggerette when the thought acered ; " what if the carpark was built on a ancient indian burial ground and what happened that day was the ghosts of the indians trying to tell their burial site had been desacrated. I rang the number the scientific investigator gave me and told him all of this. After a couple weeks I started to forget about the carpark and I was reading the paper, I read a story about the carpark being built on a anjient indian burial ground , the man who owned the building went to jail for covering up a historical site and a number of other charges.

--------------------------

The captain sat to admire the tresure he had just aquired when he came across a pendant wich he opened , there was a flash and a man dressed as a spanish bull fighter apeared and killed the captain stabing his pointed sword through his head. The spanish fighter danced and moved with god like speed and skill as he killed the crew of the ship one or sometimes two or three by three. The crew where slaughtered till the whole ships crew was dead. An explosion knocked the spanish fighter of his feet he stood up and saw that it was a cannon ball , then he heard a wistleing sound and the whole ship started to explode. Like a cat the spanish fighter jumped from the ship into the water and swam toward a island. The spanish fighter was relentless he stabed hunted fish on the way to the island. He rose from the sea in fighting stance readying for a daul but all there was was a small island mouse scurrying about the grass. He leapt at the mouse unaturly and stabed the mouse with his sword. He then proceded to slaughter the whole islands animal life. The spanish fighter is not human he is a tourted soul for ever hell bent on destroying life.

--------------------------

Farmer joe was ploughing his feild one day when down came one them flying sausepans 'n' sucked poor old joe away. Joe was found a few days later in a field naked and scared the police brought joe home and joe told them the story of where he'd been.

" I apeared in a dark room the only light in the room was the light where i was sitting. I stood up then there was a strange illusion in front of me. There where two paths kinda like the aliens where giving me a choice on wich way to go one way was a white walled modern house with a tv , computer real nice looking. There where black couchs and out the window i could see the city. There where lots of naked girls laughing and pointing to me to come to them and lots of delicous looking food and wine. The other choice was a strange place it was all white there wasn't any walls and there where many people sitting or walking around carry strange objects. There where strange sounds and music like nothing i've ever heard. And screens where everywhere that seem to be controled by people some had a sereis of pictures others looked like movies or cartoons. I stood just looking at the two scenes then they disapeard. Where the scenes where there where two doors. So i picked the door that had the strange place , next thing i know i'm lieing out in that field.

--------------------------

A car smashed into the brick wall of a house caveing the wall in , and the little phsyco walked past. He stood about 3 feet tall wore grass around his waist and face looked like that of a evil mask native islanders use as they dance around a fire. He walked along the street kicking and throwing cars around like rocks , cars flew all over the place through air smashing into buildings. the monster boy jumped over to someone who was standing in there door way and picked them up and threw them into a brick wall like a toy doll. He bit peoples legs of.

--------------------------

There was a kid with a fake shit throwing it at the other kids faces. The other kids would run and wash there faces thinking it was real.

--------------------------

curly wirly round my head over hill and under bed

twisting head round and round tounge sticks out and liquid shoots from it

the little leaf falls like a car into the black hole that is your wife as she bends to pick her flowers

sweet rosey waft filling my nose as i cough and splatter on my next cone

give a dog a bone tyrone

give a dog a bone you drone

if not he may take your own

--------------------------

big fat hoe crawling with the sand greasy disgusting coverd in sand

sweating and rolling

the sun and sand destroy her

--------------------------

Three hundred years ago there was a great horror inflicted on man. The mutation of desieses increased so far scientist couldn't keep up with it and many millions of people died. The third world countries where almost all wiped out by this occurence. Goverments put all there resouces into research to battle the world wide epidemic. Then things got even worse animals began to turn on the over populated human race. All animals of every size started to attack any human they came near. Dogs cats and would attack their owners seeking to kill them. Cows sheep started stampeeding breaking out of paddocks and trampleing any humam in site. Birds became missiles with no regard for there own life they would swoop down stab into peoples heads killing them instantly. Insects would move around in huge swarms as if they know that together they are stronger. Some monkeys that where close relatives where attacked also wich showed that it was perhaps something genetic that was the cause. But scientists where still couldnt't find what the caust was and a great war started human verses animal. The world population was wiped out to 1/6 it's size the. The survivers had to live underground or in air tight bubble houses where the animals couldn't smell them. Animal were still bred but with great trouble they still would attack any human who cam near them and large compenys would use robots to breed them. Some citys had enormus domes build over them and where build air tight so no desieses would get in. The human race had become aliens in there own home.

 

The year 2300

Dr Susan Waltors sat in her lab working watching images of another anti human suicide bomber.

" A primary school had been almost totally destroyed around 600 killed and many injured in the blast " The news reporter was saying.

This just made Dr Waltors work harder her she was one of the many bioligists working to uncover what happend 300 years before when nature turned on humans and sort out on there destruction.

It was late at night susan was working on samples of blood and tissue of people from before natures defence and from people after. She knew she was close to something she'd been working for 21 hours now then she finlly found what she was looking for. It was a disiese in humans that caused animals to become phycotic and kamakazic. The desiese was extreamly complex and with out the help of qauntem computers to do the many calculations she would never have found it. It was very descrete and could not be detected at all. But she found it. A few hours later she had a cure for it and couldn't belive she could potentionly have to answer to how humans can live with nature once again. She loged on the internet to send an e-mail of the fomula to some goverment officals but the severs where down. So she decided it was to importen to wait and left work to drive there. She was walking toward her car when a enormus sound and heat came from behind her and she was knock over she turned around and saw that ever labratory had been totally destroyed. She got in her car instinctivly. It was a hover car then drove towards the goverment officals place. She didn't relize but she was speeding and she lost control and crashed into a car in front of her and her car shut down to automatic land mode. She got out and started to walk. She then relized she could go to the police, for what she had they should give her a police escort. When she got to the police station there was no one there except one lady officer who told she couldn't drive her there that she had to stay and watch the headqauters. After explaining to her a second time the lady belived her and they left in a sqaud car. The lady told her how the Anti humans where attacking in large numbers and the whole city was at war. Then our speed started to increase I looked at the lady she was shaking and looked crazed. We where heading straight for a building. Susan screemed for her to stop but to no avail Susan then put her foot on the brake and stoped the car. The police woman then reached over and started to strangle Susan. Susan then opened her door and fell out of the car then droped about 10 metres breaking her leg when she hit the road. Susan saw a bike across the road and ran over and stole it and rode of as fast as she could. A car suddenly swung open a metre in front of her unable to dodge it she hit it whith great force. I wasn't seriously hert by the crash. The man in the car apoligised with sencerity and ask if i needed a lift. Susan asked him if he would take her to the goverment offical's place and he did. I got the the G. officals and gave them the formula. A year later and im living in one of the towns that had been restored on the out side. It's like another world outside of the domed city. I'm getting used to seeing the real sky over head instead of the projector the dome has.

--------------------------

Driveing along in my 1980's Holden on my way to town there was some song i like on the radio and the hills and trees glided past. The sky was clear blue and the clouds where angelic and puffy. I Then crash istantly into tree and find my self lieing on the floor of my cabin. It was just a dream im not all mangled in a car crash im on a boat headed for antartica i tell my self to calm down. There's a huge bang and i jump with fear. Then i remember what Darrel told me last night about the ice theyd be splitting through today. I make a coffe and go out on deck and watch as the boat splits it's way through the ice. We arive a couple of days later at our destination and ride snow mobiles to the base where we spend the next three weeks. I spend most the time reading writeing about this desolete world. After wich we pack our stuff and ride the snow mobils back to the boat. Darrel tells me that how he spent aroud six months in antartica because it was close to winter and the ice froze up early traping the ice breaker in unbreakble ice. A few days after we hit the real ocean I was going for walk around the ship when i heard a splashing sound over the side of the boat. Upont inspection i descoverd a strange fish swim and jumping along side the boat. I went and told Darrel of the fish he knew a mirene bioligist whome said when he saw it " Ive never seen anything like it it's a new descovery " He declared.

" I will ask the captain to lower one of the boats to study the creature" said the marine bioligist and went to bridge. We sat there watching the creature jumping up then splashing  back down over and over. The marine bioligist showed the captain the creature.

" alrighty then lets cut the engines then." said the captain then told the one of the crew to go turn the engines off"

The captian said " Ok Darrel. you and your friend .."

" Gaze " said Darrel.

" right " said captain toob. " You and gaze go lower one of the life boats "

We started winding the levers to lower the life boat and the captain went and got a rope ladder and threw it over the side. The fish creatures where now makeing whistleing sounds like whales. The marine bioligist climbed down the ladder and onto the boat. The fish swam about jumping and playing while the marine bioligist made notes. He climbed back up and said " It's not a fish it's a mamal much like a whale it's looks like you've descoverd a new species Gaze is it"

" Yeh so doe's that mean i can name it " Gaze said.

" i geuss it doe's".

" Ok hmmm what can i name it. The rover whale"

" the rover whale? " Said Darrel.

" It's all i could think of".

The marine bioligist named ronald said" Ok it's the rover whale from now on".

" What are you doing " said ronald talking to the captain who was climbing down the ladder carrying a net.

" I'm going to catch one" said the Captain.

" What! , you can't it could have an adverse affect on there popultion if there numbers are low especialy if it was a female ".

" I don't give a rats toss about your population numbers i'm getting one" said the captain and kept climbing. It was strange the way the captain was behaveing he wasn't useuly a very active person and would move about slowly. But now he was moveing quite fast and seemd highly alert as if he was hunting the animal foor food who knows maybe he was. Useing a fish from his backpack he lured one of the fish into his net and pull the rope hoysting it out of the water.

" Ok pull it up boys then dump him tub" Said the captain.

There was a bath tub filled with water on the deck.

" I guess we don't get any baths from now on " says Darrel.

They lower the rover whale into the tub and start to wind the life boat back up. The captain returns and says " There should be someone who wants to buy this new species maybe your bioligist friends" he says to ronald at wich ronald just walks over to the rover whale and starts touching it examing it and touching it. I go over for a closer look. The whale is small about the size of a large dog short and round with a tail like a whale. white with big black round eyes and strange looking purple corneas. It has a strange trunk like that of an elephant only a couple feet long. On the end of the trunk is a wide opening making the trunk look like the end of a vaccum cleaner. That night at dinner the captain craped on about the how he could make the whale a side show in a circus calling it the amazeing Elephant whale the crew argued about the morals of doing such a thing. while ronald the marine bioligist sat alone on a table writing in his note book with a angerd look on his face. That night it was Darrels shift for Watch duty. I said i'd stay up with him and keep him company.

" what do you think the captain will do with the whale" I said.

" I really don't know iv'e never seen him like this it's like moybe dick or something to him. I geuss he could doo what he says if he wanted too " Says Darrel.

I go to make us coffee but there's no beans left.

" I'll just go and gets some more " says Darrel.

Darrel returns with the coffee. Hours later it's starts to get light there are the sounds of people moveing about then the captains voice wich means everybody would be awake now due to his early morning wak up calls. Where he just walks into your cabin and screams " wake up rats!".

Somebody starts screeming in pain Darrel and i go out and see peatza one of the crew laying on the ground near the rover whale with his hands on his head screaming.

" What is it whats wrong " Darrel screams over him but he doesn't reply.

The whole time the whale was just sitting there like it was deaad. Then the screeming stoped. Darrel checks his pulse he was dead. The rover whale then starts splashing and sqeeling playfully. The cause of death was unknown and it was said it could have been madness from the long being at sea so long but peatza never showed and signs of depression and was always a pretty happy sort of bloke. He was sent out to sea and the day went by with slience and grief. That night i made a entry in my journal then started to do some reading when i was suddenly struck with a craving for coffee. I wasn't tired I just really wanted coffee and so i got up and made a cup but upon trying to drink it i was filled with disgust by it. This was most perculia i ignored it and went back to the book but as soon as i started to read the craveing came back irepressible and anoying. So i went to drink the cup and blocked my nose by pinching it. But again was filled with a great rupulsion of it. Not tired enough to sleep i went to the bridge.

" I can't wake the captain and i have something wrong me " says second on command . " I am plauged by the need to go to the toilet but then can't go then upon my return the urge comes back. I'm going to wake someone who can steer the ship " he says and leaves at a hurried pace. The rover whale starts sqeeling like it is in pain. And i go and inspect the whale who is rolling around and it's eyes squited with the look of great distress. I noticed the ship was slowing and practily stoped. There's a smell like burning rubber and i follow the smell and see smoke coming out of the engine room. I run up to the door and find the engine of fire i find a fire extinguisher and extinguish the fire. I start to feel very uneasy about what is happening. I go back to the bridge and find Darrel on the way who was just going to the engine room with a took kit.

" Where have you been" He says.

" I just found the engine room on fire"

" Shit what happened"

" I don't know i just found it on fire. How's second on command doing"

" He's still on the toilet but can't go" says Darrel.

" What's going on i had similar experience with coffee before. Come to think of it i still feel like a coffee. Is the captain awake yet" i said.

" No he can't be woken it's like he's in coma."

" I'll go see if i can wake him" I said.

" Ok i'll see if i can get the engine going" Says Darrel.

I arive at the bridge to descover crew member tom smashing the cb radio with a fire extinguisher. I went over and grabed him to calm him but his stronger body thrashed my off slaming me againts a wall. He then ran out the door and i gave chase and saw him dive over the side of the boat into the water. He didn't resurface. I turned around and saw that the Captain had slept through all this. I went over to him and shook him and screemed at him he fell of the chair onto the floor snorted a bit then rolled into and fetal position and continued to sleep. The rover whale started to sqeel violenly. I went to it and it was swiming around what little space it had trying to get out. The sqeel got louder my ears started to hert it got even louder till it seemed to be inside my head then i fell. I awoke to Darrel shakeing me.

" What happened where is everybody" says Darrel.

" The whale it's evil we've got to get it into the water" i said. All i could think about was getting the whale back into the water. Darrel helped me pick the whale up and throw it over board and it disapeard into the water. We went back to the bridge and saw the captain standing in the doorway of the bridge.

" What have you done" He screemed at us. Then ran and dived onto me griping me around the neck and started chokeing me. Darrel bashed him in the head with his fist to no effect. He then grabed a fire extinguisher and bash the captain till he wasn't moveing.

" Tie him i up" I said regaining my breath. Darrel tied the captain with some rope. After a few hours the captain regained contiousness and seemed to be alright. The captain and Darrel had trouble beliving what i told them of the mind controling roverwhale. They think it must have been some virus that made the crew mad.

--------------------------

The old tree

 

I had a week of work and went to the tourist place in town to find somewhere to stay for a while. After looking through the guide i found a nice looking place cheap too. It was a strange place to have a tourist resort there wasn't any major attractions around like a beach or a forest. Just hills and nice looking scenery there was a small lake though. The resort was quite small and

looked more a motel dumped in the middle of farm land. It was very quite and there was only one other car in the car park apart from my own. There was an old man waiting at the door of the resort.

" Welcome the country living resort " he said. " I'm the owner how long will you be staying " said the old man.

" Just a couple of days " I said. He tooks some keys down from the board with a very happy look on his face then brought me down the hall and showed me my room.

" Will you be needing any thing else sir"

" No thanks i should be ok thanks " I said.

" The kitchens down the hall there" He said pointing down the hall. " my wife's cook there dinner's at 6:00. If your late we will put your food in the oven and you can reheat it later. Enjoy your stay " He said then left. I studyed my maps and decided to go for a drive to nearest beach . I went for a swim then sat reading for a while. I got back at a about three o'clock then had a shower then decided to go for a walk around the resort . There was a run down tennis court with grass growing on it. Next to that a swimming pool that was coverd over and a play ground with really old equipment. There was green hills all around and lake and around the whole place wich was about a km sqaured was farmland. I walk around the lake then back towards the resort then i noticed a huge tree sitting on a hill. I went up to look at it. It was dead and had been a very big tree once but the trunk hand been split as if it had been struck by lightning. It was a gum tree and the branchs where twisted and pointy. There were alot of cuts scars and holes around the trunk. I stood there stareing at the great thing and the wind howled. The branchs swayed and creaked makeing a bending wood sound. I stood there looking the tree and listening to the branchs creak it was as if each creak the tree made was a word and it was talking to me. Then the thought came that it was late i looked at my watch it five fifty seven. I didn't want to be late for tea so i headed back to the resort. There wasn't anybody else in the kitchen just me the old man who was the owner and his wife. Dinner was roast beef and vegitables quite nice.

After dinner we sat in the lounge and shared a bottle of whine.

" So how long have you been running this business " I said .

The owner said " about five years now " he said. " It used to be my grandparents farm I inhereted it five years ago and but i didn't want to be a farmer so i built this place instead. I'm going to sell the place soon though. In the summer business picks up a bit but the rest of the year it can get very slow. It can be very boreing."

" What do you know about that tree down the hill " I said.

" Ahh yes that tree i remember comeing up here for the summer once and my grandfather spent half the day trying to remove that tree he tried choping it with an axe but the wood got to strong. He then tried to pull it out with a tractor but that didn't work. He even tried to burn it but it rain straight after lighting it so he just gave up after that. We watched some crapy action movie on the tv then i went to bed. I awoke to the sound of children laughing later that night. I walked out the sliding door on my room and followed the laughter down the hill. The laughter was comeing from the big tree that i was looking at yesterday. As i got closer i could make out a bunch of kids playing around the tree. I heard the sound of rocks being thrown and someone crying. As i got closer i saw the kids suddenly look at me and then run off into the night. I came up to the tree and found no sign of anybody else there. So i headed back to the resort the darkness surounding me like a cloud. The light of my room was like a becon of light in the distance in a sea of darkness. I told the owner what i had seen last night.

" There arn't any kids for miles around here. It could have been some people camping " said the owner.

" Yes i supose it could be. But it was very late and it's strange that kids should be out at that time of night" i said.

" Yes we'll you know what todays youth are like. I'm going to the shop for supplies tomorrow morning if you want anything " Said the owner.

" No i'm good thanks " I said. I spent the day driveing around seeing the sites then returned just in time for dinner. I ate then chated for a while then went to bed early as i was tired. I awoke to shouting and a sound like breaking glass. I got out of bed and walked into the lobby up the hall. I stood shocked at what i saw. There in the lobby was the tree i had seen down the hill holding the owner in it's branchs. The branchs where all wraped around the old man sqeezeing him. He looked at me with a blank expresion as the branchs started crushing him. His body started to pop and snap as the branchs sqeezed tighter until it riped his body into many peices. I woked up sweating in my bed it was just a dream i told my self relived then went back to sleep. I went for breakfast and found the kitchen empty that morning the owner's wife wasn't there as useul cooking eggs or something. Oh yeah they've gone to the shops for suplies. I decided on another trip to the beach and packed my stuff. As I walked through the lobby i felt uneasy and the dream came back to me in flashes. I walked over to where the owner was being crushed and to my horror found the floor soaked in blood. I was struck with panic and looked around the room then launched at the phone but the line was dead. I ran out to my car and started driveing. There was a loud pop and i lost control of the car and came to a stop. I i got out and found what looked like the root of a tree sticking out of a hole in the tyre. I was struck with fear I felt like running but i didn't i just started backing away from the car. Looking to ground and waiting for a root to shoot out of the ground at me. But this is ridiulus it thought how could a tree do such a thing i reasoned. I looked in the direction of the old tree but couldn't see it due to some pine trees blocking the way. The red stain could have just been paint the owner could have been painting. But i knew this wasn't the trueth. The owner must have had an accident i thought and his wife drove him to the hospital. Yes thats it thats what happened i thought feeling a bit more calm. The root and the dream where all coincedents. And the owner must have forgot to pay the bill on the phone. Coincedents happen like that all the time and people just go crazy makeing asumptions. I started to walk up the driveway to the road then toward the highway. The pines still blocked the view of the old tree. Then i saw a somebody laying on the ground ahead of me. I ran upto it and found it was the owner, his legs where all cut and brusied like he had been bunji jumping useing wire. He was unconcius buts still breathing.

" Hey wake up you all right " I said shaking him to wake him up but he wouldn't wake, he must be bad i thought. All my resoning started to unravel as i looked at the owner. There must be something up a serial killer i thought not wanting think of the monstrus idea that a tree did all this. I started to jog toward the highway, then came clear of the pine trees and looked in the direction of the old tree and what i saw stoped me in me tracks. It was a body hanging lifelessly on one of the branchs, i looked at it more and relized the body was the onwer's wife. I started walking toward the highway in a trance of alertness. When i reached the highway a couple hours later i flaged down a car and the driver rang the police on his mobile phone. The murders remained unsovled , and i forgot about the whole affair never went back to the resort until a few years later. The resort had never been used it was said to be haunted. And the old tree was still there but now there were two new trees about a metre high growing in front of it.

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I was reinspecting the toy for faults when from one of it's slots came a crusted ball of lint that threatend to wipe out all life.

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Soft warm drying thee

come be enveloped in towel

wrap it , shake it leave it

ravenged

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I was eating the most lushes ice cream sunday ive had in a long time. Sweat still latherd my body and I still felt the throbing heat of the journey outside. Each mouthfull of ice cream was like a bit of health restored. I passed out and awoke on a lush field coverd with grass a jet came down and shot rubber chickens at people.

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Cherry pie steaming on the ground it's warm sweet steam riseing in my nose blocking out the icey air of the snowy world around me. I neal down to eat the pie and find my self loseing my balance my head spining out of control. I fall into the pie face first and realize the pie is poison. Now paralized neck down I decide to just eat the poison pie.

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A man and his boy where at the bank and it was held up by some shady criminels. The boy wore a super hero outfit from a fancy dress party just went to.

" We can save the day " the boy says.

" No don't be silly " the father says holding on to him. The boy broke free of his father and ran up to a gunman grabed the uzy and shot the wearer in the head uncanily, then spun around just as quik shooting the rest in the head. Then stood there as if in a trance wich he snapped out of shortly after.

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Leavitan lynal lounges lathargicly like there's no tomorrow past or present every second a preasant in his eyes that bulge at times.

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It was a sentimental moment in my class as one of the students was reunited with his mother that had been away on missionarys in poorlumbumba a country that doesn't actuly exist as she was actuly at the Playboy mansion. She huged her son and they left the classroom. A blue laser then burst through the door and then many more shot the door to peices, the teacher was hit by many lasers too wich splatterd her body. Wood glass and blood splatterd everywhere as a huge robot burst through where the door used to be and demolished the class. Kids where being shot and explodeing others jumped out the window. I just sat there the robot seeming to ignore me. A hero then apeared with a bold stance and hero music, then was splatterd by lasers. After an hour or two of carnage the whole school was demolished. Bodys lay everywhere. A huge arm then came from the sky and started to shake me, I started to feel dizzy. I then found my self at home in my room being shaken by my mother to wake up. I was playing a computer game about killer robots and must have fallen asleep.

" You have to get ready for school" said my mom as things blew up on the computer game. I got ready for school and stepped out the front door then started to feel dizzy and fell over. I then awoke in front of a computer game about a kid who plays two many computer games and is an insomniac. I turn it of and get ready for school. I step out the door and start to feel dizzy and realize I hadn't eaten breakfirst yet , and go back and eat it.

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Rideing my horse around the field jumping running and doing stunts i'm a stunt horseman you see. I do those stunts you see like falling off horses that lifts it's two front legs up. Or falling from a galloping horse. I had finished the routine and was going for a final run up the length of the field, when a man dressed as a pirate ran onto the field before my horse waveing a hook around. My horse halted with a naigh. The captain aproched me and asked if i'd seen a parrot around here as he had a key he was after. I told him I hadn't and he ran off. I kept rideing and there was a funny ocerance images flashed before my eyes , strange hiss and crackling and every sound and image imagineble flashed before my eyes. I then found my self in an alternate reality where I was the horse and was being ridden.

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I was eating a huge cake ripe with ultimate flavour. I sat at the bottom of a hill on the gutter waiting for the bus , when a bottle down the hill as if from nowhere. Sand started sperting from the bottle as if it was spewing then it turned and continued to roll down the hill. I continued to eat my cake when the ground began to tremble and from up the street came a wave of sand and bottles like an avalanch. I looked around in a charged reaction and climbed a tree next to me. Eyes then opened in the tree and a face roared at me sounding like the dad from kingswood country " Get of me ya hoolagan " it said. With a forked branch hand it grabed me and threw me to the ground.

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Big slimey tenticle wraping around your face biteing into the gooey white flesh tastes like crab-sticks.

The great squid leaves you in a swish of bubbles that sway you , pressure of no breath released as you reach the surface.

 

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